Why am I fat?

[Hoosier Daddy]

That's right. You heard me... not heavy, large, chubby, plump, pudgy, portly, husky (my favorite as a boy) or any of those other silly euphemisms that are meant to spare our feelings from the fact that we are (or WERE in some cases) FAT!

Lately I've been asking myself "How did I let myself get into this condition?"

Is it genetics? There are some fat people in my family, but my dad and brother aren't so bad. They both have little pot bellies, but they aren't morbidly obese. So why am I?

Is it my parents fault for not educating me on the benefits of eating healthy? It is society's fault for making junk food too convenient for me? How about blaming restaurants for serving larger portion sizes? No, I don't think so. There are plenty of other people living in the same world as I am and they aren't fat. So I guess I'm going to have to bite the bullet and admit that it must be MY fault. No more excuses. The buck stops here!

So is it poor diet and lack of exercise that has made me fat?
Sure, I'd say that is definitely the reason! So all I have to do is eat right and get a little walk in occasionally and I'll be all better, right? Somehow I don't think that's going to do it. How many time have I heard about people who have "fallen off the wagon" and gained all of the weight back after a successful diet? I think all that is going to do is treat the symptom, but not the cause of the problem.

OK, now I'm getting somewhere. So what exactly IS the problem?
Am I an addict? Do I need comfort food the way a junkie needs heroin? And why is it called comfort food? Why does it comfort me? I've found that I'm not really eating because I'm hungry. Lately I've been getting by on a lot less and I'm not starving. Maybe I'm a binge eater. When we used to get a pizza, why is it that I ate 5-6 slices when 1 or 2 would probably have filled me up. Why did I used I make 3 or more trips to the buffet? Is that STUFFED sensation afterwards some type of euphoria?

That's where I'm having a mental block.
That's why I decided to "think out loud" here and maybe kick the question around with some of you who are/were in a similar situation. I think we all have our dragons to slay, but hopefully we can gain some insight from other people's stories and observations.

So if you are willing to do a little soul searching, ask yourself the question...
Why am I fat?

[icinglady1]

I thought for a long time that I was just genetically pre-disposed to be fat. On my fathers side almost everyone is large. On my mothers side, none. Guess who I look like....
I hated to exercize so I didn't. I knew I should do something about my weight but I didn't really care to so I didn't for a long time. I was just resolved to be the "big girl" that I was. And, I was fine for the most part in that role.
My friend Erin was doing WW and wanting me to go with her, and go walking with her after work. My seatbelt didn't fit so I thought I'd take off a few # so I could be comfortable in the car. During this start up period of WW,
I was watching a series on women in menopause when the speaker addressed the genetics part of weight. She said that if genetics were a gun, that it would only **** the hammer. It is lifestyle that pulls the trigger. I thought...could that really be true? I've dieted before and put the weight right back on. I put the question to the ultimate test. I changed my lifestyle, and sure enough the weight followed. I wish I could remember the speakers name. I'd drop her a line for giving me that inspiration to see if it were really true. Lifestyle truly does "pull the trigger" of genetics gun. Being pre-disposed makes us have to work harder, but it's not an excuse to not work at all. Effort in=results.

Icing

[PinkGlttr]

I hope no one minds me posting on this topic...

I have thought about this too. I think it mostly has to do with our natural drive to eat high sugar and high fat foods. Our tastebuds are designed to help us load up on these foods, and gorge when we can just in case there is a shortage. The power of instinct is always against us. We have mental battles... tips and tricks for beating this drive, but to me, it's like abstaining from sex. It's just going against your nature to eat less (mind you, I'm not promoting illicit sex affairs:p )

But, things have changed. Now, we have cars (tons of APs lost there) and many, many other conveniences that our primitive bodies seem to have a hard time adjusting to. We have to run like hamsters on treadmills to simulate what we once had, and many of us are unwilling to do that.

There has to be a balance somewhere though. Get in more activity, or eat less because you aren't burning the same amount you might have even just 100-200 years ago.

For me, I do not care if the food ever hits my stomach, it's the taste that I love. It is the driving force. It's my instinct, and while I can't "beat" it, I can train it in some ways.

[Shana1]

Todd,

You pose intriguing questions and some serious possibilities for answers. I think we all might have a mixed bag of reasons for being fat. I come from a really large family on my dad's side. I had a cousin who was close to 500#s who died before he was 40. I had uncles who were obese. I also had uncles who were not. My dad was heavy, but not obese. My mother believed in cleaning one's plate and did not have a grasp on healthy eating. However, when I grew up and knew better, I did not do better. (Thank you, Maya Angelou). I gained huge amounts of weight during pregnancy. I did not have to. Fast food restaurants were not around when I was a kid. I remember taking my kids to Hawkeye Hamburger when they were little. Burgers and shakes were .l5 each. This was in the 60's.

Am I adicted to comfort foods and am I an emotional eater? Yes, I certainly was and I know I can so easily slip back into that mindset. I know healthy eating and exercise are the answers. Right now I have gotten used to healthy choices. Exercising is still at a minimum except for walking in the pool and some on dry land. Once my knees are really okay, I will change that.

So why am I fat? I'm fat because I put everything that wasn't nailed down into my mouth at will over many years of my life. I am still fat because I have not lost all the weight I want to, and, even then, I will still probably have fat deposits below the waist that I will have to live with. I have come to realize that what goes on between my ears has an important influence on my success or failure at any given moment. Fortunately, I have improved in my attitude and staying OP has become a habit for me. Although my progress, is slow, it is progress.

BTW, I always told people that I was not too fat---I was just too short. I was meant to be 12' tall. LOL

It's good to do soul searching. You will figure out your special answers, I know. Good luck, buddy.

[cpan5]

Great post, got me thinking...I went out to eat the other day, real fancy restaurant for a co-worker's anniversary party. I tried to plan to do good, I bee-lined for the salad and fruit, but also decided I'd at least taste everything since it's gourmet at all...and then there were the desserts. (I have to mention it was a buffet!!) I could not just have one, I wanted to try them all, and I couldn't just eat a bite, I wanted the whole thing! Needless to say I spent a few flexies that day. But I also watched the people around me, my so skinny friend next to me seemed to eat way more than me, but she ate it soo slowly and didn't even care for the dessert. Some people left half eaten desserts and food on their plates (how could you do that?!). I left wondering why am I so obsessed with food, especially desserts!? I guess I felt like I'd never go back there again, it was a one time opportunity, but then people were talking about going back there someday...and I was thinking no way, not for a year at least!

I guess I do feel like I"m depriving myself sometimes, i feel selfish and wish I could be like everybody else, but you know what, the skinny everybody else's don't care that much about the food or the desserts! I do feel I may have an addiction and will have to battle it for life...sometimes I know I eat to quell my emotions, fears and stress...but why this time? Maybe I was nervous about the people, or I wanted to indulge, I felt I deserved it since I've been so 'good'. That was the first time since I started WW almost 4 months ago that I felt I really 'over did' it and I'm sure it could have been worse, but why is it such a struggle, why does food beckon me?

It is good to explore this issue...I look forward to what others have to say...

[Amian]

I've had a few episodes lately of eating more than I intended. Once at a buffet, twice with food I've cooked at home. I ate to the point where I felt comfortably full, then on to the point of being really full, and finally managed to stop just past the point of uncomfortably full (which is progress, I suppose... I used to eat to the point of 'stuffed' most of the time.) I often find these days that I get full on much less food than I used to, but instead of being elated I find I'm often dismayed because I want the rest of what is on my plate!

I like to be full, but I now realize it is not the 'stuffed' feeling I crave at all. Not only is it physically uncomfortable, but now that I'm on WW it makes me feel rotten because it goes against the lifestyle changes I am trying to make.

It's the taste of the food, pure and simple, that does me in. I've heard that the act of eating activates the pleasure centers of the brain by raising dopamine... a similar process to what happens in cocaine addiction. My belly can be full to bursting, but somehow that feeling of satisfaction just doesn't kick in at the same time. I sometimes wonder if my dopamine system is sluggish or something? I'm not a science type, so I may be completely off track here. But it does seem like something is driving me to keep eating past the point of 'full', and it's something completely separate from the emotional eating I've always struggled with as well.

Eating more slowly and savoring my food seems to help somewhat, which means I also can't let myself get too hungry before a meal, or THAT plan goes right out the window. If I'm ravenous, I shovel the food into my face like a ditchdigger and it's gone way before I feel sated.

Thanks for making me think about this. It seems that managing my eating behavior is more complicated than just simple willpower.

[Christena]

I do not have control of my weight because I am an emotional eater. I eat when I am lonely, anxious, depressed, stressed or feeling insecure. It is my way of dampening uncomfortable emotions so that I don't feel them. Food takes my mind off of things and gives me temporary pleasure. I think it is much like smoking, drinking, gambling, or any other compulsion or addiction people may suffer from.

Both of my parents are overweight, but they have only become overweight in the past 10-15 years. No one else in my immediate or extended family is overweight. We use food to celebrate and enjoy have cookouts, going out to eat, and sharing recipes. I think a lot of it came from how I was raised as well. I watched my mom try every diet--trying to lose weight even when she was around 135 and obviously didn't need to diet. However, this is not the complete explanation, because my sister is very thin.

I know that I will only be able to control my weight when I learn how to actually feel uncomfortable emotions and deal with them constructively instead of stuffing them with food. That is why my journey is taking me much longer than those who are overweight because they like food or have just not been educated on proper nutrition. My inner battle is much larger than the physical one. When I look in the mirror I do not think I am fat---I know I could lose some and tone up, but I am healthy and active and feel pretty good about myself most days. However, I know that if I do not learn how to change my destructive eating habits I will be very very overweight one day. I've often heard people say that there is a thin person inside of them just dying to come out. I feel the opposite. There is a very overweight person inside of me and I have to work hard in order to make sure that I don't get out of control. I think I will always be a work in progress.

[Alliruetwo]

Wow, these posts have REALLY made me think.

Why am I fat?? Well I suppose I could give you many reasons, but, I don't think any of us have all day :) The bottom line is ,,,,,,,,, I love food. And for some reason, I don't seem to be able to stop eating it when I am full. Seems so simple really, when you put it in black and white, but as simple as the reason is, it is soooooo difficult to fix the situation.

For me, it is a day to day battle that I am not ever sure I will acutally win, but, I will NEVER stop trying.

[Calypso]

Great post, Todd! I'm printing it out to keep in my journal as food for thought.

For years I blamed my weight on genetics... it was easy to do, on my mother's side of the family everyone is very, very large. But I've known deep down that that is not an excuse. I loved that quote from Icing since the first time I saw it posted. I have it in my journal and it fuels my fire to succeed.

I am also an emotional eater like Christena described (a comfort food addict if you will). I can pass up lots and lots of poor food choices.. (I don't eat fast food or lots of the typically fat-laden snack foods), but I am still guilty of making very poor choices and over-indulging. I don't eat enough veggies. I eat too many carbs. I love sweets and can't stop when full. Yadda, yadda, yadda. Until now, I have turned to comfort foods to soothe my aching soul. Convincing myself that I don't eat nearly as much as most of my family members so I must just have a really bad metabolism. Add in 4 babies and no time to exercise. Well, I was just a plethora of excuses. Didn't help that my husband and 4 kids are all extra-slim... see, it MUST be genetics?!

But what do you know... changing my lifestyle is working. I make better choices, exercise regulary and stay accountable for what goes in my mouth and the weight is coming off. Genetics may have c-ocked the gun, but I am not going to continue to let my lifestyle determine when that hammer is going to fall.

[mlachick]

Thanks for this thread, Todd.

Like so many people here, I always thought I just WAS fat. There wasn't a choice about it. It was genetics. It was destiny. I've been fat for as long as I can remember, and I've never even tried to diet.

I never felt like I was an emotional eater, because I don't feel like I have a lot of issues or anything. If I'm really upset, I DON'T eat. But I eat for every other occasion. I've decided that I'm a celebratory eater, and - being an optimist - there's always cause for celebration. This is something I made a lot of progress in a year ago when I started WW and am battling it hard now. DH isn't as supportive this time around, and my motivation is weaker. But there are so many ways to celebrate that don't involve eating.

Someone earlier talked about how they watched the way others ate, the way they skipped dessert and even left food on their plates. I, too, find this incomprehensible. Someone once asked an alcoholic, "How much do you drink?" The answer: "All of it." I, and probably many of you, are the same way with food. If there's food around, especially out for nibbling, I can scarcely concentrate until it's gone. If someone else is willing to eat it before I lose control, I sigh with relief.

If being fat is genetic, I think it may well be genetic in the same way that alcoholism is genetic. It doesn't mean you are destined to be an alcoholic. It just makes that battle harder. For some of us the battle against fat is harder, but it is not hopeless. There are too many success stories here at BCB to remind us that it is possible to change, to reclaim our bodies. We aren't destined to be fat.

[Hoosier Daddy]

Thanks for sharing your views. I'm still trying to process all the information.
(I'm a man. I'm not used to dealing with deeper issues.) :D
Please keep them coming.



I also want to thank WholeWoman for posting a link to THIS (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/m.../18/hcake18.xml) article over in the mens forum.
That's what really got me thinking about this.

And also Hanna for her talking to myself thread which inspired me to "think out loud".
Thanks precious. ;)

[grettasdogmom]

Great post! I love a post that helps me analyze myself.
I used to think I was fat because my whole family is so it had to be genetic, right? Then I realized that everyone in my family eats like they do because deep down we're not satisfied with our lives and eating is a way to make us feel better...even if its only temporary. My 2 aunts are probably 400 lbs each. Neither of them got married or even moved out of their parents house. (They even still share a bedroom!) My mother and I had a strained relationship due to her mental illness and her jealousy of the close relationship I had with my father. The only (well not the only) way she showed me love was by feeding me. My brother also suffers from his own sort of depression due to the hardships he's had in life. He was with my father when he had a heart attack and still feels guilty he wasn't able to save him. My husband and I weren't able to have children which was and still is very hard for me to get over. DH is a feeder and has always tried to make me feel better by making me fabulous meals. It makes him so happy to hear me say "God, that was a good dinner". If you could see the look he gets on his face, you'd know what I mean. We actually talked about this the other day and realized the ways our parents made us feel special was by filling our bellies.
Now...
Now I understand FOOD ISN'T LOVE. Food is fuel. DH still gets that sense of satisfaction by cooking for me but now its because he's found a new low point recipe that I like. Now he can help me to be healthy instead of feeling stuffed.
So I don't necessarily agree that being fat is genetic...maybe the depression is?
I'm older now. I'm more mature. I understand immediate gratification isn't what's good for me. I am responsible for my future. I am the one that will make the decision of what goes in my mouth. I'm educated now. I know what is a good choice and when faced with choices I am responsible for making the right one. There's no more excuses here.
Thanks for letting me purge...

[Jurnee]

I've worked on becoming aware of my body and eating habits since joining WW in January. That included figuring out why I was overeating. I’ve always loved food and could eat large amounts - especially when something tasted good. I’ve never been an emotional eater because when I get upset or stressed my stomach goes in knots and I can’t eat at all. I managed to keep to a healthy weight till I turned 40 - even though I was never thin - but after that I decided to eat whatever, whenever I wanted and the results were disastrous.
In the past months, I’ve come to believe that I must have a hormonal imbalance. New research shows that some people produce excess grehlin (which signals the brain that you are hungry) and not enough PYY (the hormone that makes you feel full). There’s a good story that CBS did about the whole phenomena: CBS Article
(http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2003/03/11/60II/main543614.shtml)
It’s the only way I can explain why I have raging hunger pangs - often 30 minutes after eating a good and balanced meal with no sugars or white carbs. The pangs are so bad that I sometimes feel I’m going to go out of my mind and it’s been very, very hard to stay OP during those times. I have days in between, where I’m not hungry AT ALL, and on those days I barely think about food. I actually have to remind myself to eat on those days. If my body could feel like the “good” days all the time, I’d have no problem with my weight but unfortunately the hunger keeps coming back with a vengeance. If a grehlin blocker with no side effects ever comes on the market, I’ll be first in line for it.

[sunni2day]

I read your question on Friday at work and have thought about all day yesterday. BTW, excellent comments by one and all. I've read each one to see where I fit in, and there is a commonality between us all; we're fat because of food.

I'm fat because I'm lazy and I've always been lazy. When I was in the formadible years of 12-15 I was vertually bed ridden with a very painful joint disease. I was forbidden to ride a bike, walk a flight of stairs, run, jump, take p.e. at school. I couldn't walk more than 20 steps without having to sit and rest my joints. If I did any of these things my joints would turn red hot and swell. Oftentimes I would get pockets of bloody water around the joints and need to have them drained. Pain and medications were a daily course of action. In 40 years I've never played baseball, or soccer. I've never hiked a hill, or rode a bike. I've learned to be lazy. Today I swim, and jump on a rebounder, anything else still causes great pain and swelling, etc.

The second reason I'm fat is because during my teen years I never ate till dinnertime. I'd get up for school, rush off without breakfast, grab a bag of chips or something from the vending machine at school and then when I got home I'd sleep before dinner, and then eat nonstop from dinner till I went to bed. I put my body into a starvation mode during the day so that when I did eat, it grabbed on to every morsel it could..... and kept it. Even today I find it easier to go without than plan my meals and eat.

[kimmibear]

I know why I am fat. It's mainly because I eat all the time. Of course that's like a no-brainer non-deep reason, but it's true. I eat because food is in front of me, because I'm bored, or because I'm sad. To me, it's the only reason that makes any type of sense because I have been struggling with my weight since high school yet, in high school, I was a 3 sport athlete. I'm very athletic and I think I always though that would save me from being fat, but you only burn so many calories working out and it ain't equal to a cheeseburger. Even over the last year where I've been working out 3-5 days a week, before I joined WW in June, I had gained 20 lbs. How do you gain that much weight doing 2 pt sessions and a min of 3 cardio sessions a week? It's because I probably ate fast food at a min. once a day. I moved far away from home, decided cooking dirtied too many dishes for me to watch and it was easy to run through wendy's. Or I decided that fruits and veggies were too expensive, so pop tarts, ready-made breakfast sandwiches and frozen pizza were the best bang for the buck. Or it is the pure and simple fact that I have no self control when it comes to food. Yes, we all know/knew/or are learning that you shouldn't eat a supersized quarter pounder with cheese, but darn it if it taste good so I want it so I ate it. Or it was me being lonley, living alone and eating to feel better. I think I just began to think that I was meant to be fat and there was nothing I could do about it.

But I'm learning that that's so absolutely not true. I can decide to stay fat or to get myself together and be a slimmer and healthier person.

great topic! I always hated admitting my problems to myself, but I'm slowly learning that that's the only way to correct any bad behaviors.

[Hoosier Daddy]

Thanks for the additional relies.
Sunni - I'm glad to hear that you took some time to think about it before you replied.

I was doing a little research the other night and I found a website that had some really good info in mental health. Mental Health... that sounds a little scary doesn't it? Well if I'm going to be working on improving my physical health, I might as well try to think healthy as well.

I thought this site was very interesting because it actually touched on some things that some of us have mentioned here in this thread. It's also nice because unlike some of the other sites I found, this one doesn't read like a textbook. (I'm not a shrink major, I need my info in layman's terms)

Anyway, here it is: FOOD ABUSE (http://www.thehealthcenter.info/emotions/food-abuse/)
I also thought it was interesting that it talked about Anorexia also. I'm not too worried about that personally, but I suppose it is food abuse nonetheless. If you get some time, I suggest you read it. It's only three pages. (An Introduction To Symptoms ● Causes and Explanations ● Learning to Cope) There are also some other psychological symptoms listed there as well. I found the one on Self-Destructiveness (http://www.thehealthcenter.info/emotions/self-destructiveness/) to be particularly interesting as well.

BTW, after reading the articles I went to the homepage to see what kind of site this was. It turned out to be some sort of drug manufacturer. I'll try not to hold that against them.


I'm really curious to hear the thoughts of some people who actually made it to their goal weight and have kept the pounds off. Have the years of being OP trained you to just eat right naturally without thinking about it any more? Have you conquered those inner demons or do you still struggle with them? C'mon CW, plcm111195, and some of you others... please share some of your insight. :)

[Hanna]

Hi Todd and others!!

BTW, I like being precious...;) See thinking out loud is actually kind of cool!

So why am I fat? Well actually I'm not anymore, objectively speaking. I feel fat at times though. I'm struggling with the different approaches I could take in (for, on, regarding??) this question. I guess I'll justgo with them all.

1. I became fat because I took in more energy than I used. Simple and true. I don't believe in genetics. Not in the way that I might be destined to be fat since my grandmother is. I may have a body that is extremely good at storing fat due to genetics, but it would still be eating more than I use up that would make me fat.

Then there are all the reasons for eating more than I use up. I always thought I was fat, but realize that I didn't become overweight until I was 20 or so. I went to university. So what were my reasons?

Beer. I had never been a heavy party girl before, but living on my own, with parties several times per week, with the mandatory hang over pizza helped....
Meeting DH. He was very obese, and cooked for me. He made me feel like it was OK.
Sad and tragical events early in our realtionship. I ate for comfort.
Then i just kept going. I was already fat, so why should I care?
Revenge. My mother never loved me because I was fat (at least that was my opinion). Now I became really fat. That would embarras her!
Many reasons. None really worked.

I associated being fat with being worthless. Eating with being bad. Since I was worthless I might as well be bad. Somewhere half way through therapy I realized that what I eat only affects my weight, not my value. I could then stop the emotional eating, and focus on eating what was good for me. That's how I finally got to goal.

At goal, I still struggle with feeling fat. And with wanting to eat more than my body needs. I think I need more therapy...

:buddysmoo

Hanna

[Rasha]

hmm why am I fat? I think it's a combination of things. When I was 10 or 11 I was diagnoised with Lymes disease. I was one of the first people in my area to get it and they didn't know much about it so they kept me out of school, I couldn't run around and play because I had a needle in my arm, etc etc, so I pretty much became a couch potato. My dad was a bulk buyer (he did the food shopping) so if something was on sale (chips, soda, etc) he'd buy as much as he could so we always had crap food like that around and when you're stuck at home alone all day eatting and tv just seemed to go together. But I think my real problem is I just like the way food tastes WAY to much! I would know something was in the fridge and I wouldn't be hungry at all but I'd go and eat it because I knew it would taste good! I'm still trying to get over that...
It's definitely the lifestyle too. I just heard on the radio this morning that women in Japan have the highest life expectancy (85 yrs or so?) due to their diets of mostly fish and not fried diet...and knowing how expensive it is to own cars over there I'm sure most people are walking places rather than driving from door to door.
It's also a mentality. I just need to start thinking I'm good enough and I'm worth it. It's hard to think that way after the verbal and mental abuse from others...

[wikeneweb]

Why am I fat? I LOVE to eat.

My wife and I work opposite shifts so that we aren't putting our DD in daycare - so eating fastfood was the norm for us.

Now that we are doing WW - we are much more thoughtful about what, how, and when we eat... it's only been about 1 week - but it's made all of the difference kn the world so far!

[plcm111195]

I'm really curious to hear the thoughts of some people who actually made it to their goal weight and have kept the pounds off. Have the years of being OP trained you to just eat right naturally without thinking about it any more? Have you conquered those inner demons or do you still struggle with them? C'mon CW, plcm111195, and some of you others... please share some of your insight

I got fat because I ate too much. Yes, there were some emotional issues behind it as well, but mostly, I just love food and lots of it. I still love food but my tastes have changed to healthier choices. I make an effort to plan tasty, filling AND healthy menus. Keeping a lot of variety in my diet helps. I never feel deprived.
I won't lie, there are still days that I struggle with the food demons. Most of that is emotional now. I read somewhere that any food can be a red light food if I'm in a red light mood. That's very true for me. Since I don't keep junk in the house, when I'm struggling I find I can eat too much healthy food too.
Most days it's not very hard, but ocassionally there are still bad days. I've learned just because I got to goal, doesn't mean I can stop doing the things I did to get there. It's a lifestyle change, which means a lifelong commitment to myself. And it's worth it!

[Hoosier Daddy]

Thanks Joanne. (and the rest of you)
It looks like I've got a lifelong battle ahead.

I just wish I would have started years ago!

[sandi_k]

HoosierDaddy: Great question! I decided to write out my thoughts, and maybe use it as a reflection tool. SO: Why am I fat?

Oh, so many reasons:

1) Family. All the women in my mother’s family were Big Boned. I grew up thinking that I *was* a Big Girl. Looking back at photos, I wanna cry – long, skinny legs, so much energy I had to run and skip to get rid of it, a love of biking, horseback riding, skating…But I always *felt* big. And feeling big meant that as I got bigger, it didn’t matter as much – because I already wore baggy clothes, avoided looking in the mirror, didn’t wear shorts…It was easy to hide from myself.

2) I like food. Big surprise, huh? If one piece of pizza is good, then three is terrific.


3) I like the *wrong* food. When my cholesterol was first noted as being high in my 20’s, my doctor gave me a list of foods to limit due to cholesterol. D*mn near everything I liked to eat was on the list. Which made changing it harder – because they didn’t give me a list of what I should be eating to plan from. Change seemed insurmountable. So I didn't.

4) Most exercise that I like is the type of exercise to be done outdoors. Since I was 21, I’ve lived in a *very* urban area, and I have safety concerns. So I don’t exercise alone outdoors. Which means I spend most of my leisure time not moving. A gym cost too much money, I thought. Now I think it is worth what it costs, if I make my goal.

5) I use food and fat as a way of keeping others at a distance. When I was skinny, I got a LOT of uncomfortable comments, especially from customers at my retail job. I’m a woman. I have b**bs. I get it. But why strange guys think I’d want to hear *their* opinion on my chest just amazed me. As I got bigger, I discovered that this was less of an issue, because I became more invisible to the opposite sex. In a weird way, I appreciated being invisible. Gaining weight worked for me in a strange way.


Unhappily, this even applies to my DH, who is the best guy ever. But when I’m size 8-10, he practically chases me around the living room, and it feels too….constantly demanding. When I gain a little weight, he slows down a little, and I feel like less of a never-ending rejector. Yes, I am a control freak at times, why do you ask? :crazy:

6) I’m a planner in every other area of my life. But planning meals was never something I learned to do. In fact, I used to laugh at others who planned weekly shopping and menus as non-spontaneous people who couldn’t bear to live their life without a script. I saw it as a weakness. Now, I’m re-evaluating their behavior, and thinking they had a strength I never suspected.


7) I use food as a celebratory tool. I use food to socialize. I use food to take care of others. I use food to relieve stress. I use food to offset boredom. I have never learned to use food as simply fuel.

Happily, I’m learning. I’m learning to exercise more. To eat less. To eat less of the bad stuff, and more of the good stuff. To plan my choices. To tell people my intentions, so when I see a menu, I’m already committed to a good choice. To be accountable for my choices, both those that are bad for me AND those that are good for me. I don’t want to be my grandmother, at 250 lbs in my 60’s, and old 20 years before I die.

Sandi

[Hoosier Daddy]

Bumped up for someone. :)

[mu6tx]

Thanks for bumping this up for me!

Great read.
Very thought evoking!

[netekay]

Good thread!

Why am I fat? Several reasons:

1. Genetic pre-disposition. All of the members of my family are big people. Several of us need to lose at least 100 pounds.

2. Poor eating as a child. My mom was 40 when she had me and wasn't ready for another child (my sister was 17). Apparently, I was a little helion as a child and she fed me what I wanted to keep me quiet-hot dogs and potato chips. The doctor said that I would get my calories that way. Boy, was he right!!!

3. Eating out of loneliness. My immediate family was not very big (mom, dad, sister and me) so my extended family was always close. From the time I was 4, we had deaths. My grandparents (1969, 1970, 1971), mom (1974), cousins (1976, 1978, 1981) aunt (1985) , uncle (1986) and dad (1987) all had passed away by the time I was 22. I learned not to feel by eating. In high school, I used to go buy a small Pizza Hut pizza after school and then eat a full meal with my dad. After my dad died, I stuck my head in a pizza box and didn't come out for almost two years!

4. Eating out of boredom. Nothing to do...go eat!

5. I'm not very motivated. I would rather sit and read a good book, watch old movies, or scrapbook instead of going out and hiking a trail.

6. I LOVE to eat and I love to cook. I have a large collection of vintage cookbooks that I sometimes cook from. Of course, now I use lighter ingredients! :)

7. All events in my life seemed to revolve around food. Going out to eat or having friends over, we'd eat and eat and eat.

WOW...it felt good to get that off my chest!

Next!

Lynette :D

[monmis]

Wow this is a great question.

I am at goal but food is and always will be a huge issue for me.
I heard a report on NPR radio once on the fact that we still eat like we are farmers or doing manual labor when most of us get little "natural" exercise. Also, a lot of us have stressful jobs and mentally we are "hungry" maybe feel like we deserve it, maybe we think we are too tired to exercise when in reality we didn't "earn" enough activity points to eat a gigantic meal and we have had little physical activity and it would be good to get some exercise!

I agree with the above although its not an excuse.

I do think my issues with food are hereditary to an extent as well as related to growing up around a family member who struggles with it.

All that said, none of those are excuses! It is/was still me who overate and didn't get enough exercise which resulted in being fat!

[metalchick]

i just wrote a long post, but somehow i got logged out and lost my post. :rage: :rage: :rage: i don't want to emotionally re-purge myself, so here's the gist:

i was never particularly skinny - i have a low thyroid, but that didn't cause nearly as much damage as poor eating habits. over the years, i've tried every crash diet i could (further wrecking my metabolism) because i didn't have the patience (or wisdom) to just eat right. that's why i was so happy to find ww - not only did i learn to eat healthy, i learned that even a 0.5 lb loss was something to rejoice over instead of a reason to just throw in the towel because i wasn't losing fast enough.

[Hoosier Daddy]

I hate when that happens! At least you got to type it all out and get it off your chest.
Even if nobody else saw it... it's still good for you.

Great replies everyone. Is this like group therapy or what? :)
I'd just like to add this quote that Sharon posted in another thread...



A long time ago, I heard a man speak on his struggles and triumph with his alcoholism. One thing he said really stuck with me. He stated he spent years and years delving into his psyche trying to figure out what caused him to drink to excess. Finally he went to AA. He was told "we don't care whats in your pysche, just DON'T DRINK!!" He has been sober ever since.( and in working AA's program, he found what was in his psyche, but he had to stop drinking first)

Thanks.
That was the "smack in the face" that I needed. http://www.healthdiscovery.net/forums/images/icons/icon14.gif

[redhot mama]

I'm fat because I have made a lengthy series of bad choices over the last 12+ years. My bad choices involved fast food, junk food, and too much food (along with limited physical activity). I made those bad choices because I was thinking about that exact moment, not the future. I was thinking that I was short on time, or I was really in the mood for a particular food. Having my son two years ago made me realize what I was doing to myself, but I still didn't change. My husband and I would feed our son a healthy dinner with all food groups represented, put him to bed, and then we'd order a pizza to eat while we watched tv. I used to obsess about food. If I was bored during the day, I'd think about what would taste really good for dinner. I'd have that image of the perfect dinner dangling in front of me like a carrot to get me through the day. Then I'd "reward" myself with that dinner. I think food is too important to me. However, since starting WW (for the third or fourth time) a week ago, I believe the "click" has occured. You know, the one where a person not only hears and sees the WW and BCB philosophy, but actually embraces it? The previous times I tried WW I was unhappy from about day 3. I wasn't ready to make a permanent change to my lifestyle. But hey, I'm ready now! I'm not merely tolerating this lifestyle change, but I'm enjoying it! The way that I'm going to reverse those 12 years of bad choices is to consistently make good choices (though I hope it won't take another 12 years to take off the weight).

Thanks for the thought-provoking topic and the many great posts!

[wendogirl]

This is a great question.
I started to think along this line a couple of days ago when I checked my BMI, and realized that I'm still in the "morbidly obese" category.
I'm fat because I made crappy decisions. Plain and simple. I couldn't lay blame anywhere else and still be honest.
I used to think that I just loved the taste of food, but that doesn't explain why I would eat until I was stuffed way beyond feeling comfortable. There were times when I would have a "craving" for a particular food, and then instead of having a portion, I would eat the entire bag, box etc. I would eat until I could no longer taste the food. I was just going through the motions of stuffing myself.
I am most definately an emotional eater, and one of my biggest downfalls is my "all-or-nothing" mentality.
I take full responsibility for my weight and my weight-loss.

Thanks for asking a tough question.

Rhonda

[ruby anne]

:work_out: Allison,I couldn't have said it better my self.I can not blame me being fat on any one or any thing but myself.It was my choise to overeat.I put myself in the position that I am in.I am the only one that can change my habits.I have to fine the will power to change my way of eating,I want to eat to live not live to eat. Iv'e been on weight watchers since08/01/2005 and I have lost 13.2 pounds:exercise2

[lyfer98]

Pure laziness.......that's what got me where I am today. I got too lazy to work hard at maintaining the healthy lifestyle that I had achieved. Yes, I did have some very trying times in the first few years after reaching goal (9/11 being one of them) but I basically gave up on working to maintain.

I also got comfortable. Why wouldn't I? No one said anything to me. My DH didn't complain? Why bother to exercise and watch what I was eating? It was much easier to be unconscious rather than conscious about my food choices.

Losing and especially maintaining takes work-always and forever. That's why so many of us gain it all back again. We don't want to forever work at this. But until we realize that we will always have to work hard, from now on and forever with our food choices and exercise habits-we'll just be FAT.

[SierraWind]

Todd, thanks both for starting this thread and for remind the board that it's here. :)

Why am I fat? Hmmm...excellent question. I became fat because I was a little girl, trapped in an abusive situation and felt no way out. Anxiety and self hatred gripped me, and eating until I felt ill was a way of taking my mind off of those feelings for a while. I couldn't control the situation I was in, however I couldcontrol how much I ate and it gave me some small sense that I was still in control. It also became a form of self punishment for being unworthy of love. (Or at least that was my perception then)

The more important question for is why am I still fat? I am no longer a scared little girl, and I am long removed from that abusive relationship. Part of it is this: despite the fact that my abuser is now gone from my life, I spent years surrounding myself with people (usually female friends who I slipped into a "mother-daughter like relationship with" who reaffirmed the messages she gave me: that of incompetence, unworthiness, being "less than", unlovable, not worth having around (unless of course I bent over backwards to be helpful-which could be another post unto itself!), etc, etc, etc. So, the cycle continued- and yes, I was a big part of perpetuating the cycle. My weight continued to climb.

It's not even been a year since the last of the damaging relationships have been ended. And I fight myself regularly about not seeking out some other older female friend to seek approval from. Because well, generally I would create a situation in which the approval would not be given...so I would feel justified in the self-hatred, self abuse, etc. And when it comes down to it- that's where I've been for so long, I'm comfortable there. Not happy- but I am comfortable with that role.

So, in order to loose weight, I am having to break the cycle. Which means that I am having to deny the role that I am comfortable in- and take one a new one that makes me decidedly UNcomfortable.

That role is of a woman who is successful, and strong, and competent- reliable. Dare I say organized? As the weight comes off I with also have to deal with the role of a woman who is attractive and sexy. Because as much as I have spent my life denying it, I am really very pretty, and once I am thin, I just might be what some call hot. Being a morbidly obese teen, I never had to deal with that...so I find that a little scary. But I know I can deal with it when the time comes. A wise woman once told me "Anxiety is just a feeling- don't be afraid of it".

Wow..this was some great stuff for me to think through. I don't think I ever have before. And no doubt, it is only going to help me on my journey. Thanks again Todd! :buddysmoo

[CW]

The words 'Morbidly Obese' got to me, too. That was one of many of the wake up calls I recieved. I translated what I was doing to another disturbing phrase...Slow Suicide. I'm done with that.:bcbsalute

CW

[Hoosier Daddy]

Slow suicide. That IS a disturbing phrase. It's interesting... that link I posted earlier about self-destructiveness touched on that too.

Sierra - That was quite an enightening post. I'm glad you got something out of this too.
I'm looking forward to seeing some hottie pictures soon! ;)

[dimpledn]

Once I faced that I was the reason I was fat it allowed me to do something about it.

I used to blame genetics, or you name it!
I was fat because I sat on my duff and ate WAY too much of the wrong foods.
Plain and simple. Took me years to get it but once I did it clicked. :strong:

[jkj1027]

Thank you for starting this thread. I hope what I have to say doesn't offend anyone. Please realize this is my feelings towards myself only & doesn't reflect upon any of my buddies.

I know exactly why I'm fat! For the most part, it's the same reasons everyone else has given. I eat too much, eat too much junk food, haven't gotten off my butt to exercise, emotional eating/reasons... blah, blah, blah. Don't forget the wanting of instant gratification (you know... "I've been dieting all day & haven't lost any weight. Oh well, I guess I'll be fat forever.")

But realizing why I'm fat & doing something about it are 2 different things. Ask me why I haven't done anything about being fat? Or why I don't follow through with my lame attempts to lose weight? I know the answer to that too... it's because I haven't really cared about myself enough to make it a priority. Maybe that seems strong & harsh but it's the truth.

When I attended meetings, I had a leader that would annouce successes first. Her reason behind that was because "You always have time for what you put first". She is absolutely right. I never put myself first. I'm always concerned about DH, my family, my job & my home. I've come to realize that I need to dedicate the same (probably more) time & energy in this journey as I would with anything else that I care about. I've reprioritized what's important to me with ME coming first.

Sorry if I sound like I babbling or if I got off the topic, but once I started typing I just went with it.

[goneastray]

I have battled hard with my weight the last 8 years. I used to be a size 12 and could maintain easily. In 1998 I went to work in the office from the production floor and I started gaining about 10-15 lbs per year. Eating habits didn't change, activity did. I know that in addition to eating right I need to exercise. I have had off and on problems with my knee so I am cautious about exercise. of course if it wasn't for the knee I would have other excuses like " I am too big to go to the gym where people can see me." When I joined WW 20 years ago I was embarrassed that someone I knew would see me going into the meeting, how dumb is that? Like if they saw me they would know I was fat? Funny how we can justify poor behavior. I am going to make myself join the gym at work, it is so cheap only 50 bucks a year, we have showers, lots of equipment, cardio, weights, and aerobics classes, time to leave the excuses at the door.

[Pamala]

All your posts are so touching. Talk about brutal honesty! I also know about the 'fat layer' protecting us from things. That could be success, having people expect too much from me, being attractive, you name it.


'I'm fat, so don't expect too much from me!"

I don't want to be fat anymore. I want to expect more from myself. I deserve it and so does my family. Period.

Pam

[letsgomo]

What incredible timing for this post!

DH,DS, FIL, and MIL just went out for a picnic and I stayed behind. I noticed that the first thing that I did was go for the kitchen. Yes, I had a plan, but I realized that was always the first thing I did when I was alone when I was a kid. So, when I thought about it, I asked myself why it is that I feel the need to sneak away and eat something. Heaven knows that DH, MIL and FIL could benefit from BCB and there is no restriction of food there.

This is a good idea Todd- see what others have figured out along the way. I'm like you, I just don't know.

The big thing is, it is my fault that I am fat. Only me. So, I am the only one that can fix that.

[thenewspring]

For me it's pleasure, plain and simple. When we (and I mean me and others, but not all others) don't practice self-discipline we sink to the lowest animal level and seek to gain pleasure and avoid pain (DrJulieAnn probably won't agree with me on this one :kiss: ) We then become conditioned to crave the food because it is associated with pleasure. Since we eat everywhere, everything becomes a trigger for the cravings. Since it takes about 12 weeks to break a habit, or for counter conditioning to kick in, we struggle to fight the cravings and may give up because we are used to immediate gratification. Low carb and low cal. foods don't have the same effect on a neurochemical level as do carbohydrates (increase Seratonin levels that make one feel relaxed and content---and sleepy --chocholate, increase in some endorphine levels, etc)

I am fighting against nature and conditioning. Knowing that only helps a little, I find, because the extra weight makes it almost impossible to really enjoy other pleasurable activities. It's a struggle to ski, walk in the woods, swim at the beach. With the extra weight it is uncomfortable to do those fun things so in the past I turned back to food for that quick pleasure fix.

(I changed my name this morning. Previously I was dietmom, but I'm not on a diet--I'm eating now to live.)

[SierraWind]

Sierra - That was quite an enightening post. I'm glad you got something out of this too.
I'm looking forward to seeing some hottie pictures soon! ;)
Todd, I do hope you're prepared to wait a good long while! :kiss:

[SUCKERS]

Thanks Todd for posting this question. This is something I definitely have been asking myself lately. I have found since I started WW that losing weight is as much of a mental adventure for me as anything.

I gained a lot of weight in 7th-8th grade (puberty years). I also had a pretty older sister, that noone could believe we were sisters because she is quite thin. She was never mean to me but I always felt inferior. I bloomed up to a size 38 in mens. It was embarrassing to buy jeans but it didn't stop me from eating. Eating was one thing I felt I did well. I also learned to be a pretty good baker at a young age. With the help of a close friend I became quite active before high school and lost weight. I actually got down to a size 10!

I pretty much kept off most of the weight until I met DH and we had our first child. Dh is very thin and can eat what ever he wants. I was happy and comfortable. DH never mentioned my weight. I gained 80 pds with our first daughter. I had the thought I'm eating for 2. Needless to say it brought only trouble for my pregnancy and I ended up having a c-section. 2 months after I had her someone asked me when my baby was do, nope didn't open my eyes either. I went on to have 2 more kids and proceeded to get bigger. I stayed at home with the kids and ate all the time. When my youngest was in kindergarten I started back to work. I ended up working with a very nice lady who loves to eat. :( So did I. We ate morning snack, afternoon snack went out to lunch, and bought jumbo pepsi' each day. I continued to grow and didn't even really notice. I had no energy and couldn't do things with my kids, but I love food.

This friend decided to try WW. She got me to a meeting and I was shocked how much I weighed. I knew I had to do something. I love food, but I lost how to handle it. This is where I learned I had to be mentally ready. I tried "diets" before but I wasn't mentally ready then. I have all the support anyone could need but I need to do this for myself and keep reminding myself that I am worth it.

Sorry if I got off subject but I guess I learned anything for me can make me turn to food. I have to mentally fight it. Even as I lose weight people will tell how thin I look but in the mirror I don't see it yet. Someday I hope to.

Lori :strong:

[LindaWing]

I have read everyone's post and I think I could put just about all those thoughts and reasons down for my own. I will list them here for my own benefit if for no other reason: Why I am Fat

I love food. It is Mom, it is pleasure, it is company, it is tradition, it was learned from a small child to enjoy food!

It is my crutch, my comfort. I'm alone quite a bit these days so it fills a void. I eat when I'm happy and when I'm sad (so when didnt I eat???)

I enjoy cooking and learning to make new food for my family. (I wish that the Foodnetwork would include more shows on lowfat cooking!) I buy a lot of WW cookbooks now. That is a positive thing!

I eat too much because I sometimes resent that fact that I shouldn't eat that much! And it is not fair that some can! (Of course, most don't escape the heart disease monster! They just don't look like they have a problem!)

I am fat because I tend to be a seditary type personality. My husband NEVER sits down compared to me. I like to watch too much TV (because it is also my friend!) I think I stay away from life more, because it can hurt if you get too involved with too many people! (Past bad experiences)

I am fat because I quit going to WW 3 times and didn't stick with it! My friends quit, so I quit too! It took me a long time again to try coming in "the doors" but I AM GLAD I DID IT ONCE AGAIN!!!

There is probably more, but I'm tired of thinking so hard! Phew! Linda

[mrss]

Great thread and very honest answers. I have to agree--I'm fat because I eat too much.

Lately, I've been studying the skinny people in my life. How do they act around food? What about at birthday parties? At a buffet? Know what? They usually stop when they begin to feel full. They don't always have cake at the party. What an amazing concept. :)

I'm trying to learn from their behaviors because that's how I want to be--skinny.

[motivatedmom]

I know why I gained. I had 4 kids in 6 years and gained 50-60 lbs with each of them. I started marriage and pregnancy at 142 (healthy for my 5'7 frame) and now that my youngest is almost 2, I joined WW a few weeks ago and weighed in at 250 (yikes!) So the extra 108 lbs I had on me were all gained during pregnancy and not lost in between.


I also know why I have not lost it all yet. I am a stay at home mom and have found that I eat out of lonliness, eat out of boredom, and n the past year have been eating out of emotinal issues (but not relaizing it until recently).

I noticed that I was losing the pregnacy weight on my own after I had my 4th child and it was coming off well. Then my beloved dad killed himself and my loss just stopped. Then my grandparents both died within months of my father and then 2004 became the year of the binge for me.

Also, I have been VERY unhappy with my marriage lately and feel trapped. I think the realization that I don't think I love my husband anymore (and can't stand to be around him) was also causing me to stuff my face with crap. Pathetic I know.

But I realize now that I am miserable being so overweight. I am unhappy and embarrased about how I look and its not healthy. I want to feel better and set a good example for my 4 children. I don't want to be the fat mom anymore.

[Creampuff]

My parents were born in Europe/Eurasia in the 40's. When they were quite young, food was scarce, but they got enough to eat, and grew up healthy, but not so wealthy, and apparently not so wise.

They grew up and moved to Germany, met, got married, worked 57 jobs just to make ends meet, and owned only 1 car, reserved for long drives to places that they couldn't walk or ride the bus to. Parking was terrible in Berlin in the 60's, it was just better to walk or ride the bus or train than give away your spot unless you weren't going to be back for a while, or had many stops to take, and too many things to get. They played sports, and traveled, and they were healthy, not so wealthy, and apparently not so wise.

In 1977, my parents moved to Alexandria, LA, to live with my aunt and uncle, and help raise their 3 boys. My father worked 2 jobs, went to school to learn english, eventually taught a little, and my mother worked retail. My uncle was a Doctor, and made good money, but paying for his brother's school, and feeding and clothing his sons, paying a mortgage, that cost quite a bit, even allowing for the financial assistance. My parents were active, and happy, and were healthy, but not so wealthy, and apparently not so wise.

In 1982, I was born, and my father had a good job, and went on many business trips. My mom stayed at home to raise me, and only worked around Christmas, I think mostly for fun. we ate and were merry, and my father worked on cars, and built things on weekends, but they no longer walked to the store, instead, they drove, and watched me play in the backyard, and were therefore a little less healthy, a little more wealthy, and apparently not wise.

In 1987, my mother joined nutrisystem because she had gained weight, and my father started getting heavier- but ignored it, he was a little bit older, and less active, and that was normal. I was growing up soft and round, with oppotunities and food they never had. "When I was your age, we didn't have food like this, we were poor. Finish your dinner. ALL of it." So I was growing up a little less healthy, a little more wealthy, and quite unwise.

In 1997, my father had Type II Diabetes, and was on advanced medicine therapy for this. My mom had just developed it, and was struggling with her medications. They no longer went out for fun, to walk and play sports, and ate, ate, ate everything on their plates. I was 15, a size 15, and "why are you so fat?!" was the queston on all sides. But I was just eating what I was told.. maybe more than I was meant to.. but just what I was told. And so I was not so healthy, rather wealthy, and quite unwise.

It's 2005, and my father is a Type I Diabetic, on a heavy dose of insulin at every meal. My mother is very heavy, and has gout and hip pain, and will NOT cook a healthier meal. "It's only cooked with a LITTLE olive oil! No fat at all!" And she complains about being up at 2 am gorging on cheese, and wonders why she's fat, she was never fat....until she had me. So it's not a change in herself that's the problem, that her lifestyle is "to the car, to the grocery, to the car, to home, Eat..." RINSE-AND-REPEAT. So We're all very unhealthy, rather wealthy, and VERY unwise.

___
At 23, I've been using something similar to this as my excuse, as long as I've been fat... (5 years old!) while my mother has been telling me that I'm the cause of her fat, and my father has fully acknowledged that the only cause of his fat is that he's a pleasure eater, and he's lazy. He still won't do anything about it, but at least he's not pointing fingers.

But I have joined Weight Watchers, and "No, I will not have that cheesecake, it is not fat-free, Mom, not even if you used Neufchatel cheese, and shut your eyes when you put it in the batter. Instead I will have a peach, please and thank you. You should, too." I now know better than what I've been told growing up, but that doesn't mean that that slice of cheese cake isn't burning a hole in the fridge door, staring lasers at me. It doens't mean that I want to get up at 6 am to move my body in strange and unflattering ways, when I could be sleeping cozy under the covers. But it does mean this. Every pound I lose, I prevent 1 year of diabetes. Every pound, I give a kick in the seat to anyone that ever told me I was fat, and every pound takes a little more wind out of my mom's sails, and teaches her to change her cooking habits. (Not to mention what it does to her when Jason cooks her a DELICIOUS MEAL.. that is filling and gorgeous, and it's only 7 pts. She is SO mad that we're eating so much that isn't salad, and still losing weight.) I DO still struggle with the fact that I can't eat as much Ice Cream as I please, or eat what my mom sets in front of me without due skepticism of its healthiness... and I REALLY have problems with the fact that all the things I learned to cook belong in food hell.

But it's time I took control of my body and stopped letting my mother (even if it's just that philosophical mother) have control over what's entering my mouth. I try and enjoy the food I can eat a lot of, in as many new and different ways as is possible, and when that doesn't work, I work out a way to eat a little bit of what I really want and then sub in the volume of something healthier. (one wafer thin piece of mother's cheesecake, used as a garnish over a bowl of fresh fruit, for example.) When I'm out and about I eat more salad, less dressing, and drink more water. Jason and I order 1 entree, and share it. And we order it "with 2 salads, dressing on the side, and with the steamed veggies, rather than the baked potato, please." I've stopped reading at lunch. I've found that if I read while I eat, I can just eat the world. And I pack my lunch, rather than go get what's convenient, and once a month, I allow myself the points to go to the corner restaurant, and order a grilled cheese sandwich, and I just eat as slooooowly as I can.

So, right now...? I'm a little more healthy, a little less wealthy, and a LOT more wise.

[youngfrankenstein]

There is so much great stuff here. I still wonder why other people, dh, don't care as much about food as I do. I don't knokw if there's an answer. I will really be pondering what to do about all of this...

[Hoosier Daddy]

BUMPED up for someone. :exercise:

[aleahs123]

Wow, these posts have REALLY made me think.

Why am I fat?? Well I suppose I could give you many reasons, but, I don't think any of us have all day :) The bottom line is ,,,,,,,,, I love food. And for some reason, I don't seem to be able to stop eating it when I am full. Seems so simple really, when you put it in black and white, but as simple as the reason is, it is soooooo difficult to fix the situation.

For me, it is a day to day battle that I am not ever sure I will acutally win, but, I will NEVER stop trying.
I could not agree with you more. I am not an emotional eater. I wasnt tramatized as a kid or anything of the sort...I just love the taste and the fullness...I just love food....I think about it ALL the time. The only way I have been able to lose weight is to constantly research and/or talk bout food on the boards because like I said I just love everything about food!!

[smylin_atcha]

[QUOTE=plcm111195]I won't lie, there are still days that I struggle with the food demons. QUOTE]

I think we will always struggle with the food demons...its how we deal with them that will shape our success and our bodies.

I really have to think about everything else thats been said...and the reason why I'm fat.

[annieoakley]

I recognize a lot in what others are saying -- for me it was rebelling against a controlling mom (and only hurting myself), gaining weight with four pregancies and not getting it off, stuffing my feelings because of depression over losses (two miscarriages, my husband died at age 44).

But also very much food abuse and self-destruction, especially when I was single. This is all way in the past stuff, but explains the extreme I have gone to. I once threw a box of Dunkin' Donuts in the trash after spraying Dawn dish detergent on it -- only to pull it out of the trash and eat around the blue parts (I cannot stand the smell of Dawn to this day). I remember Friday nights going to the grocery store and buying anything that hit my fancy, along with a People magazine, and taking it home to eat and eat and eat and eat...until I woke up the next day and realized I passed out in bed while eating, like an alcoholic black-out. I have come very close to making myself throw up, but I haven't crossed that line because "that would mean I have an eating disorder." Who was I kidding? So denial also factors a lot into "why am I fat?" Threads like these pull the covers off.

Today I don't do the extreme stuff, though even on WW I have had days where I binged, but I can't eat much -- three of something and I'm full, that's a binge these days. I've thought about joining Overeaters Anonymous to supplement the motivational once-a-week talks at WW. Mainly because of the compulsion. It's like, with the holidays coming up. I can't just have one holiday cookie. If I start, it's as many as I can eat without getting sick. I don't even taste it while I'm stuffing, it's a compulsion to get it in my mouth as fast as possible, and get that full feeling. But I never am happy with the full feeling, because then I feel sick and then I'm sorry and guilty and shamed. It is a cycle of shame. So I just stay away from the cookies.

Thank God for WW and you guys, and being able to say this stuff aloud here. I'm fat, but I'm actively changing my behaviors and feeling my feelings instead of stuffing them. I read these threads. I do alot of thinking on my daily walks. And I only read People magazines when I go to the dentist's office every six months!

[Shyjade]

Growing up, "junk food" was always considered a "treat" or a reward. My parents made us eat healthy most of the time, but it was those special "treats" I truly longed for. They were the Golden Egg. I was a fit and healthy child, nowhere near having a weight problem (neither did anyone else in the family). But I remember when I started babysitting as a pre-teen, I'd hoard my earnings and blow it ALL on candy & junk food, often hiding it in shame because I knew it was wrong and I hadn't "earned" it. But I wanted it and I ate it at every opportunity. It was a hoarding/binging situation even back then and thru my teen years, although nowhere near the scale it reached once I hit my 30's.

Fortunately I had an active job in my later teen years and much of my 20's so the high, empty calories were quickly burned off, even when I wasn't "exercising". But by my mid-20's I gave up ALL exercising and continued to eat. My new husband was thin as a rail with horrid eating habits which I adopted - all fried and fast foods and never fruit or veggies. Ironically, when pregnant with my daughter I only gained 15 lbs. and actually LOST INCHES off my thighs and butt; I wasn't binging because I knew my baby needed nutrition and I made healthy choices.

My weight has recently hit an all time high and the two biggest factors have been (1) I have not been physically active in years, and (2) I have an unnatural love affair with food. The pain and lonliness I've felt in the last several years (since my divorce) have been comforted by food....unhealthy food. It remains my "treat", my "reward", and never leaves my side. It doesn't betray or ciritcize me (like my ex husband did).

I have been working very hard to overcome the Food Demons I've fought with all my life. Sometimes on a small scale, other times (like this past year) on a huge scale. I'm trying to retrain my body and mind to think of food purely as fuel for my body, not as my friend, lover or provider. Until I win that battle, I can't win the war. I'm also working to get my body fit with regular exercise. Sometimes this is easier than fighting the Food Demons, because a short workout can give me tons of energy and confidence in a short time. Battling the Food Demons will be an ongoing challenge, but I know I can win this war.

[Audrey's_Mommy]

Growing up I was always overweight. I was very shy and reserved. I was a bookworm, always more mature than my peers and felt like I never fit in. I was kind of dorky I guess. I wasn't very interested in sports or anything active and I always loved food. Food was a comfort to me when I felt bad about myself, when I felt nervous, when I felt upset, etc.

Finally when I was 17 I got on WW and lost the weight and got to goal but then slowly started putting the weight back on. I have put on a ton of weight in the past few years. I started out my pregnancy with my first DD weighing 170 and by the time I had her was 215. I got down to about 170 again but then gave up and gained a lot of weight. By the time I got pregnant with DD #2 I was about 220 lbs and currently am 5.5 months pregnant and weigh 225. I am super depressed about my weight and how heavy I have let myself get. I have really used food as a comfort the past few years. My husband was away for most of my first pregnancy (he is in the Army) and for the first year of our daughter's life. Also our daughter was born 3 months early and was very sick and I had a really hard time dealing with that alone so I ate to make myself "feel better". Anyway I know the reason I am at this point is because I have a unhealthy relationship with food and use it to comfort myself.

Once my daughter is born I am going to get back on track, join WW and really make a commitment to myself. I just can't live like this anymore and need to do something about my weight.

[Hanna]

Good BUMP, Todd!

It was very interesting to me to read all the posts, particularly my own.

Thank you!

/Hanna

[eminpitt]

I LOVE FOOD! All kinds, never met a food I didn't like, okay, well, maybe a couple like beets, and boiled okra. But other than that, I love Mexican, Thai, Italian, Chinese, American, French, German, etc... Not only do I love food, I never learned to stop. I eat and eat and eat a bit more. On the core program, you are supposed to eat until you are satisfied, comfortable. I was never taught that as a child. "Eat until your plate is clean, then you get dessert!"

Then, I learned to use food as my soother and comforter- not alcohol- like my father or drugs - where would you get them? But FOOD, the coonstant friend, easy to find, always available, never lets you down. Why would you not love food? Here's the thing, alcohol you quit drinking. Drugs you just say NO. Food you have to learn to make healthy choices and eat reasonable quantities. Whew, if only I could just say NO!

I often wished there were other fat people in my family. If only I could blame it on genetics. It is not MY fault, MY choices. But alas it is - my fault, my choices. It is easier to sit on the couch than to get up and exercise. It is easier to turn to food than to deal with issues just like this one. But, I will make the tough choices. I will learn to eat small portions and savor each bite of the food I love so much rather than devouring each plate full. I will get up and exercise, most days. I will teach my kids to live a healthy lifestyle and face their struggles rather than hiding behind food. One day I will look in the mirror and no longer have to ask the question, "Why am I fat?" I will say, "I know why I am skinny and healthy and love life!" And yes, I still love food.