Meeting topic: Why do I do that?

[lilbit]

We had a great meeting topic this week, just what I needed.

Why do we do the things we do, even though we don't want to do it.

My leader (I love my leader, I've had several others and actually drive farther to go to this leader's meetings). Said that if we do something we do't want to, didn't plan too, is against our goals... We are getting something out of it. The behavior is giving us something that we want. We need to find out what it is that we are getting out of that behavior we want to change, then try and find something else we can do, to get the same thing out of a new, wanted behavior.

For example, it is friday night, you are not hungry, yet you eat something refined, cake, ice cream, donut....Why?
1)What are you getting out of this behavior? Perhaps you are tired and your body goes for the fast sugar for a quick pick me up so you have more energy..... you are getting instant energy out of the food....
New behavior-perhaps you are tired and just need to go to bed.

We made a list of times we eat when we didn't mean to, here are the ones we came up with, i'm sure there are many more.
Tired
Social
Bored
Lonely
Stressed
Environment
Overwhelmed
Ashamed
Avoidance

Now, use the Re-framing tool to change an unwanted behavior:
Re-framing is the tool to use when you want to stop a negative or unwanted behavoir.

There's a positive intention behind everything we do, even if what we're doing seems neagative or not helpful to us. In other words, every one of our behaviors gets us someting we want, or benefits us in some way.

What behavior do you want to change?

What does that behavior get for you?

How else can you get that benefit? (list as many as you can)

Which of these new behaviors will you try? (Choose at least three)


Here are some of mine, your's may be totaly different:
What behavior do I want to change?
Eating when I'm tired, stressed, overwhelmed, ashamed, thirsty

What does that behavior get for you?
Tired-eating someting refined gives me quick energy
Stressed-hiding behind the food, I don't have to think about it, i'm busy
Thirsty-Didn't know I was thirsty
Overwhelmed-Procrastination, I don't have to deal with it now
Ashamed-comfort (internal hug)

How else can you get that benefit?
Tired-take a nap, go to bed, rest
Stressed-exercise, take a nap, do a hobby I like to relax me
Thirsty-drink something
Overwhlemed-make a list and tackle things 1-by-1, then I won't feel so overwhelmed
Ashamed-talk to my husband, sister, friend, write in my journal, learn-not punish

Which of these new behaviors will you try?
pick one :)

[findingterry]

Hello Everyone,

I agree with Caroline, this week's meeting topic hit me just where I needed it. The idea of stopping to really find out "WHY DID I DO THAT?" is an invaluable tool. My group leader, whom I also love, talked about eating when you're lonely. Eating takes your mind off of your feelings and sadness. How about picking up the phone and calling those people you are missing instead! Honestly that made me cry. If you eat out of boredom, how about signing on during the bewitching hours and chatting with people who are on the same journey.

Something that my group leader said that made me laugh was about the moment of choice. Do I want the chocalate donut or don't I? Well, of course the 3 year old wants the doughnut, it tastes better than not having one, right? But what if we asked instead, "do I want the chocalate doughnut or do I want to be able to wear the bathing suit this summer?", the answer might change into a more positive choice! I think its great!

That's all for me. I love the inspiration! Have a great OP week!

[ashlee]

I could not stay for the meeting this week.

However, it's all so true. As Dr. Phil says,what is your payoff for doing what your doing?

I'm a stress eater and it's always a struggle.
I don't like change or new situations that crop up so I want to overeat then too.

Ashlee

[momof3rugratz]

Thank you.

[Leluhna]

You know I don't know why I do what I do. All I know sometimes I just lose it. Nothing seems to gather my interest and when I do start eating I do it like a crazy person. I tell myself I shouldn't be eating it but I still do. I defy myself. Does anyone else have this problem?

[luvsweets]

Hello!

Leluhna - You sound just like me...considering yesterday I started off the day by having a ton of treats, then a sandwich, then a couple of beers, then some bread and finally...at night...a gyros.
I knew darn well I shouldn't have been eating that gyros, and I told myself that as I took every single bite.
Nothing stopped me. Why not? :(
I'm just hoping that I remember this day (I feel horrible) and that deters me from doing that again. It hasn't yet, but I suppose it only has to happen once!

I like "findingterry's" idea of getting online here when we want to eat out of boredom.

My problem is watching my DH eat when I cannot. That was my problem last night. We went out to get him something to eat last night and I couldn't stand to have him eat something without me!

I know I am not much help to you, but we can commiserate together! Anytime you want! :)

[momof3rugratz]

This is exactl;y how my weekend went. I am sure I will gainnow. I was so busy I ate out every meal and I ate what am sure was 30 points a day :(

[CordyC]

I was so busy I ate out every meal and I ate what am sure was 30 points a day :(What concerns me is that you don't know how many points you ate a day. I am also upset by the food porn in many of the above posts. This is Bootcamp! Our doors are open 24/7, so if anyone feels they are about to go OffP, they can come here and post about it. Often, just writing it down is enough to be of help. We can also help you brainstorm for coping strategies or to plan for upcoming events.

What we don't do is share the gory details of our transgressions and then have a pity party. Read this post (http://www.healthdiscovery.net/forums/showthread.php?t=41893)and you'll see why I'm on all your cases. Here's the quote that really drives it home for me:

Holidays from the plan, or going over points is simply not an option.

Would real soldiers let their buddies die in the trenches without extending a hand?

I don't believe so.

Which is why as a Boot Camp buddy I believe it is my obligation to offer my hand in friendship and my shoulder in strength.

It is also my obligation to not allow soldiers to deviate from the plan. Okay, guys, the ball's in each of your courts. Whatcha gonna do? A good start is to tally the points and assess the damage, so you can structure the rest of your week accordingly. You may need to stick to your Target, add APs, or other tweaks. I wanna know what they are. BTW, I came here tonight because I was having trouble sleeping and the option was going into the kitchen. So, this works!!

[momof3rugratz]

Loma Linda Childrens Hospital has no puter access. I had no choice. I also live to far to cook hubby did best he could with points for me with what is around the hospital or cafe. That why I did not know the points but I had to eat.

[CordyC]

First and foremost, I hope everything's all right. Honestly, if I would have written your post, it would have been about how I am proud for doing damage control in a stress-filled and unfamiliar environment, where I could have eaten the contents of every vending machine but didn't!! :buddysmoo :angel

I've been at the mercy of hospital cafeterias more times than I care to mention - my mom's been in hospital approximately two years out of the past four and my dad also got Frequent Flier miles in the nine years before he passed away. I'd be happy to share a few pointers, learned the hard way: Bring your water bottle. There are ice makers on every ward - getting a refill is a cinch, and you don't have to spend a fortune on bottled water. :water1: Also, ask the employees where they eat, and where they order up from. A friendly ward clerk can pass you her secret stash of menus.

Unlike other hospitals which may have McDonald's or Pizza Hut :ugh: , Loma Linda is probably relatively healthy food-wise - IIRC, they are Seventh Day Adventists and were used as the control group for all the studies on cardiovascular disease. So when you tally up the points you may be pleasantly surprised.

[mama5of7]

I actually had that topic at my meeting two weeks ago. I am not sure that i like my leader. She is really nice. But she doesn't do anything but talk. I feel like there needs to be more hands on things, like writing or something.

I had a really bad PMS week last week, and i did really really bad. Although i didn't gain any weight, i didn't lose any either. But its the emotions that go with it, and how lousy i felt for not eating right.
Yesterday at our Sisters class, everyone else was eating the refreshments and i broke into a cold sweat in my hands, trying to not get up and get one. I succeeded with that. But later after going to an eating disorder clinic, i ended up have two things that are not even on my plan! :rage: I dont know if the class triggered something or not.

I am glad that you put what your leader did with you, i am going to work on this today.

thanks
Mamafive

[momof3rugratz]

I dropped my WW and am a lifetime member because the leader was awful. I am not sure they keep a close eye on the leaders are not but I went for over a year and I had to leave my friend still attends and the lady is still there 2 years later.

[Pattie3]

I'm also a Lifetime WW member and I've returned a few times in the past few years. The leader nearest to my house is an idiot. I rejoined the week before Easter and she walked in with bunny ears.... Didn't say a word to me, like welcome, etc. (there were only 3 people in the room and 2 worked for WW) and then I stayed for the meeting and she only talked to 2 or 3 people, constantly referring to the same people throughout the meeting.

I'm a professional trainer (no, not the work-out kind, the teacher type) and I'm really turned off. This is the 3rd time I've joined at this location and the 3rd time I've put up with this idiot. So I've decided not to go back, but to try to do it myself with help from this group and other folks I know and trust.

Maybe I've turned into an old fart!

[Heiders]

Hi, just wanted to let you all know what a great help this topic is. I just started ww last week and bcb yesterday. I have been hit MANY times in the last week with the temptation to go to the kitchen for a snack or treat. I have had to stop and have a mental arguement with myself as to wether I am going to eat the snack or not. I thought I was going crazy because I would convince myself not to have something and then several hours later it would hit me again and I would have to do the same thing all over again.

This topic is helping me realize why these thoughts keep popping into my head and strategies to help them pop right back out again (I hope). I am realizing that the saying "one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time" is the key to staying on track. Thanks for the insight!



Heidi

[momof3rugratz]

I am glad you posted that it will give other newbies the insight on this lifestyle change. Taking this journey together is great and knowing someone is there really helps.

[kickin]

Why do we do that? Because eating tasty food is one of life's greatest pleasures! Back when we were skinny it was PLEASURABLE! But now that we're dieting, we are trying to get the pleasure but having the guilt because we know it's too fatening, which ruins the pleasure. It's craziness.:crazy: :work_out: :jumprope: :strong: :headover:

[DDawnC]

I've gotta say, Kickin's got a point. There's no sense in ignoring the fact that we are all eating a reduced-calorie diet, and there are bound to be feelings of loss and rebellion that occassionally (or often) go along with that. Along with trying to identify the underlying reasons for our unhealthy eating habits, I think it's valid to just realize that feeling deprived is just one of those unpleasant things in life we have to deal with occassionally, like bad traffic or annoying in-laws. It's not fair and it's not fun, but it is something we can grin and bear. :) Our goals of creating healthier/better-looking/more enjoyable bodies are worth the occasional pains we experience as a result of giving up gluttony! ;)

[Dolphin Girl]

Thanks for posting the weekly meeting topics. I have missed the last two meetings. I make the weigh-in and then have had to leave. One of the greatest things I am finding in the meetings is the reminders of things that I have learned in the past.

It seems like the meeting topics occur just when I need to hear that information again. Taking a moment to figure out what I did and why is not new to me - but the guilty feelings from a little overeating have been on my mind, lately. I start each moment fresh after a slight fall - I am committed to making this program a success for me.

I just joined BCB yesterday and look forward to gaining more insights on my journey.

Thanks for all the support. :jumprope: ;)

[kissncook]

I Have just discovered I eat or want to eat when I am bored. I am doing Weight Watchers with my Mom, We live in the same house along with my Dad and my DS. They were on vacation for the week, my son was at his fathers for a few days and I was home alone. Wandering around in the kitchen for no reason opening and closing the fridge door. I had already eaten and there was nothing to do so I wanted to eat. I wasn't even hungry! I stopped and asked myself what the heck are you doing? I never realized I did that but there I was and right then it occured to me what my problem has been! It was like a wake up call. And I thought back to times when I was alone and I would eat the snack cakes or some other junk just because I was alone and bored. That was really something to discover that about myself, something I have done for years and never gave it a thought until the other day while I was wandering thru the kitchen!

[OHStar]

Hi, I've been a lurker for a little while...reached Lifetime in '88...never been back...but I REALLY read the training manual this time and know that I CAN DO THIS! I'm really taking this philosophy to heart, I can truly say that I've had an epiphany...case in point: last night DH and I had a tiff...he went out and bought a large salad and pizza...and might I add a chocolate cake...I ate some salad w/lf Italian, and then (sticking to my points) only had 1-1/2 slices of that yummy pizza...and absolutely nothing else! (I must say, it also helped that after a long first week of back to driving a school bus and getting up at 4 a.m. every morning...and not sleeping well -- hot flashes and just terrible dreams and tossing-and-turning -- I hit the hay by 8:15 LOL!!) But I feel fantastic and optimistic this morning...Thank you, BCB!!

[ashlee]

I find keeping your mind busy helps with the over-eating. I read a lot and it helps a lot! I'm not a big tv. fan so reading is great.

I have a personal journal as well, which I write in a lot. If I'm "doing good", I don't always need to write in it every day, but sometimes I might write 2 or 3 pages.

Stress is hard to deal with and frankly the more knowledge you have about why your stressed the better you become at handling it.

I'm alone so really don't have anyone to talk to in person.

I love walking and it sure helps alleviate stress and food cravings for me.

WE can do this JOURNEY.

WE just have to really TRY HARD! :strong:

Ashlee

[mrss]

I've found I eat food just because it's there. This is something I have to watch myself on a lot. Put the leftovers away pronto. Don't leave items in sight. Put my fat free chips up high on a shelf so I'll have to go through the effort of getting a stool before reaching them. That makes me think about controlling how many I eat. Before, I would've eaten mindlessly.

[colleen7]

Oh you are so right! Put those silly leftovers AWAY - right away!!

Here's a funny story... Back in '95 when I first started WW my sister came for a visit the weekend right after I started. She brought a pork loin roast along, and we prepared it by spreading unsweetened applesauce on it and then roasted it. I can't remember what else we had that night, but I remember it was all OP. And I carefully measured out my servings, and my sister was SO supportive. Well, when we were done with dinner she put away the leftover roast, and then she went to give our kids a bath while I washed up the dishes. I got them all cleaned up but the roasting pan... there it was, all those crispy yummies on the bottom (you know what I'm talking about!). Anyhow, I decided I'd just sneak one little piece - no one was looking. To my surprise my sister anticipated this and had squirted Lemon Fresh Joy all over the pan. YUCK!!!! Instead of the fattening pan drippings I got a nice taste of dish soap!!

You know, I've never picked at the roasting pan since.

[skh928]

I'm an all occasion eater - happy, sad, bored, mad, unhappy, etc. But something I learned really made a difference for me. I love unhealthy food, like treats, etc. But, if I eat right during the week, and save my points, then at a preappointed time I can have whatever I've been craving, without the guilt.

For example, I eat within WW guidelines all week, and then on Friday night we go to a mexican restaurant. I might have enchiladas, or crispy tacos or even grilled chicken, but you can bet I will have saved enough points to have a good sized portion of chips with some queso and guacemole.

The next week it might be some kind of ice cream treat.

When that urge to eat something I shouldn't comes up, I just visualize the treat I'm saving some extra points for. Yes, it is a struggle sometimes but I go back to my journals and see how bad I feel (emotionally) when I cheat, and how worthwhile it is to save up for the treat I want and savor it, and not feel guilty.

[harleychick]

At our meeting last night we talked in depth about cravings and urges. An urge will pass, but a craving just seems to stick around forever. Our leader suggested feeding the craving -- but only in moderation and count the points. That really hit home when they were giving out the awards, and one lady said she would have lost more, but the week before when she had a craving she ate her way all around it. Wow. That was what I did yesterday. It's that TOM, and I had a craving for a little bit of chocolate, just a Hershey's kiss would have done the job. But the only chocolate available was out of the vending machines. Instead by 9 a.m. I ate my cheese stick, then I ate my nectarine, then I ate my plum, then by 10:30 I had eaten my sandwich, smoked a cigarette, and I would have eaten more but I had already ate everything I brought with me for the day. So instead I went to Sonic at lunch and got a Route 44 Diet Cherry Limeade. During the afternoon I just nibbled on the limes out of the cherry limeade. I realize now that I was eating everything I had at once because I wasn't addressing the craving I had. Now I have a new strategy for when a time like this comes up again. Next time I will get a Hershey's bar out of the vending machines, break off just a little bit, then take the rest of the candy bar and, before I even eat a bite of it, take it and throw it in the bathroom trash at work. (I wouldn't dream of digging it out of the bathroom trash!)

[55Chevy]

The meeting really hit home with me. I do have cravings and try to indludge that craving with just a little bit...but that usually turns out to be 3-4 cookies or a whole chocolate bar. I now have tools in place to avoid over-indulgence. Not going to say it will never happen again, but I will try, try, try.
In the meeting last night, we are going start a contest...THE BIGGEST LOSER. Just like the show, the winner will be the person with the biggest % of weight loss. Prizes include a massage, a salon gift certificate and $100...whoo hoo. Count me in!!!:crazy:

[buzymommy]

I really enjoyed this meeting topic too--it was the "light bulb" I needed because 99% of the time I eat it is because of some type of emotion. Another one that I would add is being "polite". I never really likes baked goods when I was younger and my grandmother and mother in law baked constantly. They would always say "A little bit is not going to hurt you." And I always felt I was being rude if I did not take some--and guess what I developed a "like" for those types of foods! Also we were always told as kids that "you don't eat because you are hungry, you eat so you won't be hungry later." YIKES! Talk about giving the impression to clean your plate!

[Jo Skinnie]

Re-framing was our meeting topic yesterday! Funny that I should see this post today. It's a great reminder that there are always things to do besides eat!