struggles being single during the holidays

[misslily]

do any of you have special challenges dealing with the holidays as a single person? mine are not directly food related. i don't work in an office where i'm tempted by treats. holiday parties are not too difficult for me either. my problem is my emotions. they can get the better of me this time of year and i really struggle with finding new (non-food) ways to comfort myself. today the weather just took a turn for the worse and i feel stuck and isolated. i am going to bundle up and get out of the house regardless. i'd love to hear how others handle holiday challenges.

[Brandalynn911]

How about going to a movie with a friend? Just don't look at the snack bar.

I've been pretty good this year. I decided to only try holiday sweets on Thanksgiving & Christmas. The rest of the time I won't even touch any of that stuff.

Can you get absorbed in a book or do something fun with friends. Maybe invite them over for a non food slumber party.
I saw this great kit at Target for 9.95. It had face masks, nail polish and other stuff for 4 people for a slumber party. It sounds like fun to me.

[lvmypug]

I can sure relate! I spent many holidays alone, often in a new city where I knew very few people because I spent several years advancing my career which forced me to relocate every yr or two. I hated to be the "lonely single woman" invited someone's home.

Sometimes I made the day a totally luxury day...I'd plan for my special day for days/weeks. I'd buy special bubble bath stuff, give myself a facial, read trash novels, get a stack of magazines from the library that I never would spend the money on and read them, buy a new nail polish etc In other words, I spent the day doing all the little things that I either had no time to do or seemed silly and extravagant.

The other thing I did was volunteer. I've worked at homeless shelters on TG and Xmas. One the most fun New year's eve I ever had was answering the phone for a safe ride program...I still laugh at some of the crazy things people said to me that night!

The media really hypes the "big happy family fantasy" that can make you feel very alone. Yes, it's great to be with family and friends but many folks aren't and you can have a nice holiday. Focus on what you have, not what you don't have.

Take care and Happy Thanksgiving

Barb

[ashlee]

I spend all my holidays alone and have done so since 1990. I'm an only child and my wonderful parents are deceased. At first, I used to go to a cousin's here for Xmas - what a pain! Decided why should I waste a precious day of my life with people who really don't care about me, and frankly are not that excited about each other either!

Just decided that I would spend my time alone - get a great book to read/baby yourself - take a great bubble bath - buy yourself something, even just a new fluffy (pretty) towel to dry off with. Get something special for yourself to eat too.

You can do it. The main day of a holiday,i.e. Xmas day - IS only ONE DAY. I tell myself that and it helps.

I work part-time now, but I go out every day for walking, looking around the shops, library, etc.

Ashlee :walking:

[tryin' again]

Advice needed:
My sister and best friend are both mid thirties singles. I know both of them struggle with the holidays. I'm looking for some tips on being sensitive, and avoiding pitfalls as I interact with them this season. Of course, my sister is included in the holiday extravaganza type stuff in our family, but what might make it easier for her?
Thanks.

[misslily]

tryin' again,

how cool of you to want to be sensitive to their needs. i think being sure to include them is important. sometimes families can get so busy with their plans that single siblings or friends are forgotten. some of my happiest holiday memories were going over to my friends houses on christmas morning and holding the baby or watching her son play with his new toys in his jammies. if you have any time during this busy season, maybe getting together with them alone...to go shopping, get a manicure, catch a movie or go get a glass of wine...is nice. i think i most crave connection with important people during this time. i think the happy family fantasy has been hyped as the ideal holiday vision, but for me it is about connecting with important people....whatever their marital status. did that help at all?

[yumpump]

I just need to share this...
For the past couple of days I have been feeling very insecure at work. I always have that feeling lingering that I am not good enough...!
And then that feeling dominoes to my personal lifestyle...and that I am not particular and don't take care of myself and the works....
At that time I tend to runaway from my trouble and take time out..but thats not always the solution and most convenient..
So today I just stepped back and took a deep long breath and now I am at work..letting everything go..and just concentrating on work...! So I feel muchbetter now..I think I am going through a case of Cabin Fever in personal life ... I need to have some fun..thats all.. What do you think

[jmurphy323]

I don't post at this board much, but I am single and late 20's and often plagued by the "Why aren't you married yet?" people.

BUT I also am very blessed to have a lot of good friends who are sensitive to my single status.

So for "Tryin' Again" here is what my friends do that has meant a lot to me...

For one, they invite me to join them for all the other stuff that comes with the holidays BEFORE the big day... like decorating the tree and the house, driving around the neighborhoods looking at lights... making cookies or whatever. They invite me to come with to see the kids' Christmas productions at church or school. The key is just the invite. They may be too busy to go to all that, but it will help them just to know they were wanted.

Another thing that one of my friends does for me that really touches my heart is that she occasionally makes a meal for her family that has lots of leftovers (beef stew, soups, chilli). At random times she brings in an individual portion just for me, as she knows that I rarely make such things for myself, because of the volume of leftovers. It really is very good to feel thought of in such way.

While it can't erase all the issues that come with being single during the holidays, they sure do help!

Merry Christmas all!
Judi