reading some here comments today surprised and saddened me

[misslily]

no, aliceconstance....you are not the only one. as long as i have posted on this boards (on and off since 2000), it has never gotten much action. i just started posting on these boards again. yesterday, i read some comments from people about not wanting to hear about anyone's dating or break-up issues. wow. as one of the people who has used this forum in the past to get some much needed support over a break-up, i was surprised to hear that feedback. i thought i might be overreacting and taking it too personally and waited overnight to see if it was still on my mind today. i read posts about people's shoe shopping plans, decorating ideas, craft projects, vacations, family, pets, work, religious beliefs, health issues all the time (in all different groups...not just specifically in "off topic" )....topics runs the gamut and aren't always specifically related to weight. at least not in a way that may be clear to everyone. i recently posted elsewhere on these boards and got a lot of support and advice.....about a piece of furniture i wanted to purchase....it wasn't exercise equipment either. i, for one think that anything of interest to single people should be up for discussion. for some people who are single, dating presents a unique and particular challenge....yes, break-ups (which for me can lead to emotional eating), staying op while on a date (much like any other restaurant situation), the challenges of meeting appropriate people (often frustrating...thus leading to stress and emotional eating), setting boundaries in a dating relationship (i think this is related to issues of self-esteem which are directly related to weight management issues) as well as how to cook and shop for one, volunteer opportunities, exercise, recipes and the like. it really saddened me to see a board that is not much used, being limited in any way. those not interested can always opt not to read or reply to a thread, but to censor or suggest that a segment of the single population NOT talk about or seek support about something that concerns them sounds really intolerant to me. i could probably look back at archived posts to see what i wrote back then, but i suspect it had everything to do with my feelings rather than bashing anyone. maybe we could all post here and share and seek support about anything that helps us in our daily journey of being happy, healthy and whole.....and OP. i'm open to any feedback on this topic.

[Frisky]

You posted " i'm open to any feedback on this topic" so I'm butting in to make a comment or ask a question or two. :)

When you said they posted about not wanting to hear other's problems, I'm not sure they meant it the way you appear to be taking it. This board, as with all other boards and news groups too for that matter, has all kinds of people, personalities, and nationalities posting. Some may be single and don't want to become involved with others at this time in their life, some are actively seeking a mate. I don't read the comments of "I'm not interested in reading about bf bashing or other's problems" as being insensitive to someone posting about a broken heart. Unless I'm reading it wrong, they were stating their opinion of what they'd like to see on a singles board as it relates to their needs.

The thread where you posted about breaking up with your bf had a number of posts offering support. None were of the nature of "get over it, we don't want to hear it". One even posted some time later asking how you were doing.

On the other thread, think they were general comments and maybe even suggestions of what they'd like to see to generate more action on this board? That's how I took it.

I'm not single so I don't post here but I read most of the boards including this one. It's like info gathering here or elsewhere, take what you need or want, discard the rest. Nothing wrong with doing private messages with your closer buddies or taking it to private e-mail if you don't want to post in public.

:)

[misslily]

i agree...the replies i got were very supportive. i ended up emailing with one person for a time. it just surprised me to hear that my posting about my break-up had disturbed anyone. i suspect those who felt it was off topic and not of interest were not the one's responding. i may be taking it too personally. at least i got it off my chest and am not going to eat about it now :)

[Christena]

Miss Lily,
I'm not single either, but I read your post and I just wanted to say that if you have dating issues and you aren't getting the support there, post on the 20s board. There is tons of support there b/c lots of people know what you're going through. It doesn't matter if you are in your 20s or much older, you will definitely get dating support there!

[bbeers777]

I realize that there are people out there who are content to be and stay single. Being single myself, that is a truly hard thing that I struggle with everyday. I am very independant, having never been married and having two children to support. But I must say that when I approached this forum the first thing that I thought of was a person alone. That means many things to many people, I agree. But one of the issues that it does encompass is the recently single. That is a great source of struggle for many people and poses a real great chance of going off program. I do agree that you take what you can use and leave what you can't. I do believe, however, that that could go for the person who stated that they didn't want to hear about someone else's problems not just for the person that was insulted by that statement. If this is indeed a "support" group, then we are there for each other no matter what we need. I certainly wouldn't turn to my best friend and tell her, "I don't want to hear about your problems right now!". I agree that corrective criticism goes a whole lot farther.
Treat others as you would like to be treated, that's what I always say!
Just my thoughts, take em' or leave em'.

[latebloomer]

Lilly:

Had to read further after seeing the title of your post. You make excellent points. I hope you can find support on this board, that's why we are here. Just wanted to note that WW about 8-10 years ago did a survey and when they published the results it did seem like overweight people have a problem with boundaries in general...so your instincts are good.

Honk Honk!

p.s I'm married and let me tell you THAT can lead to emotional eating as well!