foxfieldco
05-07-2004, 09:36 AM
Weight Watchers eTools article of the week:
4 Self-Esteem Improvement Strategie
The Weight-Worth Connection
If you're like most of us, the way you see yourself is probably based
largely on the way you think others see you. But that's a dangerous
way to define your self-worth, especially when you're overweight.
Society tends to assign stereotypes, and even though you're working
toward a healthier lifestyle, it can be hard not to let those
stereotypes affect your self-image. It can be difficult, too, not to
let the resulting self-doubt damage the progress you make toward your
goals.
Self-Esteem Improvement Strategies
Use the steps below to start breaking the connection between your
weight and your feelings of self-worth. It will mean a major step
toward achieving the weight you want to be.
1. Talk To Your Friends
You've probably heard your Leader or other Meetings Members talking
about the importance of group support. At your Meetings, you can ask
others just like you how they handle negative comments, work
discrimination and more. And you can see them succeeding despite it
all.
Discussing your feelings with others will help too. If you tell a
supportive loved one when you're experiencing self-doubt, she should
give you the dose of reassurance you need.
2. Challenge Negative Conclusions
Think about a negative societal impression of overweight people, such
as "lazy" or "ugly," that you may have come to believe about
yourself. Now imagine yourself saying that thing to one of your
friends.
You'd never say something like that to someone you love! In fact,
you'd probably never even think it. So why would you say it to
yourself? Next time you're feeling down, imagine it's your friend who
is feeling that way. What would you say to her? Can you say those
same things to yourself?
3. Change Your Patterns
You may not even realize how feelings of low self-worth can affect
your behavior. It may cause you to wear baggy clothes, avoid parties
or pass up job opportunities. But these behaviors will only make you
feel worse.
From now on, adjust your outward attitude. Constantly ask yourself
how thin people act, then act like that. The behavioral adjustment
will make a big difference inside, too.
4. Reinforce Positive Feelings
Every day, take note of your positive traits and abilities — your
POINTS® Tracker's "Add Notes" tab is a great place to do it.
Acknowledging those assets will fortify your feelings of self-worth,
and that step can only help you toward your goal.
~~~
Best and Worst Weight-Loss Compliments
Remarks other people make about your weight loss can be thrilling,
insulting or somewhere in between. And sometimes they're all in the
eye of the beholder — or in this case, the ear of the hearer.
Comments that charm one dieter might horrify another. Some people
feel weight loss is a private matter, while others want the whole
world to acknowledge their success.
One thing's for sure, though: If you lose weight, you're bound to get
feedback. Whether friends, family, colleagues or neighbors, someone
will have something to say about it. Here are some anecdotes from
users of the Message Boards in our Community section, describing the
best, worst, cleverest and silliest weight-loss remarks they've
heard.
A-Plus Compliments:
"You look great. But you looked beautiful before you lost weight,
too!"
"One guy at my gym said, 'You are the shrinking woman.' I felt sooo
good."
"The personal trainer I've been working with said he would like to
take an 'after picture' as a success story. I'm not even to goal yet,
but he is impressed enough with my results to want to post them…"
"I didn't even recognize you at first ... but your smile and laugh
could not be mistaken! Wow, you look great!"
Dubious Compliments:
"My favorite is when a mother and daughter came into [my] office. I
saw them whispering together and then the mother asked me what
happened to the girl who use to work here, the heavyset redhead. I
told her she left about 70 pounds ago! Her daughter punched her
mother's arm and told her, 'I told you it was her!'"
"From my grandmother: 'Now, that's more like it!'"
"My favorite is always when people way overestimate how much you've
lost. One of my husband's friends said, 'Wow, you look like you've
lost 30 or 40 pounds!' Um, no, more like about 18, but thanks!"
"The day after my husband and I got engaged he moved to Maryland (I'm
in Nebraska). I flew out to see him three months later and 25 pounds
lighter, and the first thing he said to me was 'God, you're tan!' I
never let him forget it!!"
Thumbs Down:
"You look really good. Wow, I had no idea how fat you were before!
You must have lost a ton."
"From my mom (strangers would be kinder), ten pounds away from
goal: 'Don't you think you should stop? You don't want to become
anorexic!' So I show her my 'before' picture and she says 'Gawd, were
you heavy!' Gee thanks, Mom..."
"Once I reached goal, my grandmother said several things that were
supposedly compliments: She pointed to her back end and said 'You
used to be out to here...' Another: 'You have such a better
personality now.'"
"The other night I was wearing shorts and was in the kitchen making
supper, and my hubby, who was sitting at the table, said, 'Wow, your
legs are losing the cottage cheese look.'"
"An acquaintance ran into me and exclaimed (very loudly), 'Oh my
gosh, you are so small! I never would have thought that there was
a 'small' person in there!'"
~~~
Affirmations for Motivation
"Life is 90 percent perception, 10 percent reality," says JoAnn
Dahlkoetter, Ph.D., a Stanford University sports psychologist and
author of Your Performing Edge (Pulgas Ridge Press, 2002). Thoughts
and words are tremendously powerful, she says, and affirmations—or
positive self-statements—are a good way to transform them into
results.
"People are shocked when they become aware of what a negative,
running commentary they are always making to themselves," says Tina
Tessina, Ph.D., a psychotherapist in Southern California and author
of It Ends With You (New Page, 2003). Comments like "you'll never
succeed" or "you'll always have a weight problem" come from our fears
and insecurities, as well as from negative barbs peers or parents
have slung at us in our youths, says Tessina. "Affirmations
counteract those negative messages and, when repeated enough,
eventually change our mental landscape and empower us to reach our
goals."
Because our bodies and minds are so intricately connected, sometimes
the brain can't distinguish between what is actually happening and
what we're imagining, explains Dahlkoetter. So when we create a
statement or image of success, the body will believe it. This is
where affirmations come in.
Many people, include Dahlkoetter and Tessina, have had great success
using affirmations. There are a few guidelines, but once you get the
hang of creating them, the sky's the limit. To write powerful
affirmations, use the first person ("I" or "my"), include your name,
then make a dynamic positive statement about one of your goals. Here
are a few examples. I, Cathy, am moving closer to my weight goal of
being a size 8. Or: I, Lisa, find my weight-loss program easy and fun
to follow and I'm very successful at it.
"Losing weight is a major life change, and change is hard!" says
Tessina. "Without internal support, external support does not work.
Affirmations are an excellent form of internal support."
But once is not enough, warns Dahlkoetter. Once you have created good
affirmations, say them twice, then repeat them several times
throughout the day, especially when you feel vulnerable. (Aloud is
best.) You can also tape-record yourself saying them and listen to
the tape frequently. Write them down and leave them in key spots,
like on your fridge or computer. Visualizing your ideal self at the
same time will enhance the power of your new positive thinking.
Affirmations can be universally effective, but Tessina suggests
figuring out what your personal weight-loss motivation is and
building that into your statements. It doesn't matter whether it's
looking great in your new size-6 wardrobe, being more attractive, or
living longer. Once you master affirmations, you can apply them to
any area of life.
~~~
The Day I Learned to Love My Body
Do you like what you see when you look in the mirror? Or do you avoid
the mirror altogether? Many of us, unfortunately, are not happy with
our bodies. But beating yourself up for the way you look only hinders
your ability to look and feel better. Though it takes some practice,
learning to love your body can make all the difference on your
journey to success. And it feels great when you get there.
Choosing You
"You need to learn to love your body before you can be successful at
a weight-loss plan," stresses Abbie, a Meetings member from
Kalamazoo, MI, who has been on Plan for one year.
"It's hard for me to say I 'love' my body, but I'm content with it. I
like what I see, even though there is still room for improvement." It
didn't used to be that way, but once Abbie started to accept her
body, she felt like it was easier to try to change it.
"You have to make choices about how you're going to spend your time
and energy," she says. "This is definitely a better way to live."
A New Outlook
Cary, a New York native who recently celebrated her one-year
anniversary with Weight Watchers, was typically thin growing up. Once
she entered her 20s, she slowly gained weight. "I rarely looked at
myself in a full-length mirror, and when I did, I got really mad at
myself for letting this weight happen." Now at goal, though, Cary
takes every opportunity to look in the mirror and smile. "Learning to
love my body has given me a different outlook on life," she says. "I
can do anything and be successful at it. There is no stopping me."
3 Steps To Greater Self-Love
Cia Ricco, author of Living As if Your Life Depended On It! (Life
Care, Inc., $19.95) and a New York City psychotherapist, explains
that every time we say negative things to ourselves, we lower our
self-esteem, lose motivation, and have less momentum to take care of
our bodies.
"Negative self-talk makes us feel bad," Ricco says. What a person
should do is "accept what is," and grow from there. She offers the
following advice to those who want to stop loathing and start loving
their bodies.
Acceptance is the platform for change. Once you accept yourself and
your body the way you are now, you can be catapulted into free choice
and free will — a positive spirit that will help you set goals and be
motivated enough to achieve them.
Envision yourself the way you'd like to be. Tell yourself how great
you look now, but get excited about looking even better. With that
mental picture, and positive reinforcement, looking and feeling
better will be a snap.
Imagine you are speaking to your best friend every time you look in
the mirror. Would you ever tell them how fat they look? Would you
ever tell them their thighs disgust you or their stomachs are
grotesque? Why, then, would you hurt yourself like that?
~~~
Changing from the Inside Out
Anyone who has ever tried to lose weight knows it's as much a matter
of the heart and mind as of the mouth and stomach. How you think and
feel about your weight issues, and about yourself, has a strong
impact on your ability to lose weight and keep it off. Most of us
have learned this the hard way. But we've also learned how difficult
it can sometimes be to change how we think and feel.
Unfortunately, many of us regard our own thoughts and feelings
as "things that happen to us." For example, "Today I feel guilty" (or
happy or blue or motivated — fill in the blank). That's just the way
it is, right? Wrong. It's more helpful for us to think of our
thoughts and feelings as "internal behaviors," which we can control
and adapt to meet our needs. Just as we can develop more positive
external behaviors to support our weight loss (taking smaller
portions, walking more), it's also possible to develop more positive
internal behaviors (thinking "I can" instead of "I can't").
In fact, not only is it possible, but unless we change on the inside,
our newly formed eating and exercise behaviors most likely won't last
for long.
So Where Do I Start?
The first step is understanding the five different levels at which we
are able to change the way we think and act.1 We'll start with the
easiest-to-change, most superficial level, and move on to the
deepest, most difficult level within us.
Environment. Where and when our behavior takes place.
"It's difficult for me to lose weight with my hectic job and
schedule. I'm on the road and eating in fast food restaurants all the
time."
Behavior. What we do. The specific actions we take in our environment.
"I don't know what to eat or what exercises I should do to lose
weight and become more fit."
Capabilities. How we guide our behaviors. The broader abilities and
strategies we use in life.
"I am not capable of losing my weight and keeping it off."
Beliefs. Why we do what we do. The ideas and values we think are true.
"I do not deserve to be thin and attractive."
Identity. Who we are. Our basic sense of self, which is tied to our
mission in life.
"I am a fat person."
And How Do I Use My Tools for Living?
So it's easy to see: If, deep down, you still think of yourself as
a "fat person," it's going to be difficult to make and sustain the
behavior changes necessary to keep weight off for good. The good news
is that we can make positive changes at the deeper levels, with our
beliefs and identity. You might start by familiarizing yourself with
Weight Watchers' powerful set of strategies, Tools for Living (for
Meetings Members and subscribers only). Each tool is designed for a
specific kind of challenge related to your thoughts and feelings.
One tool, for example, Empowering Beliefs, will help you strengthen
your belief that losing weight is worth it, that you can do it and
that you deserve to be healthy and feel good. And Anchoring is a
powerful technique for tapping your inner resources to help you
achieve what you want. Need more determination, for example?
Anchoring will enable you to find the will that already exists within
you.
Paying attention to your deeper levels of change can pay off big.
Combining your "inside" behaviors — thoughts and feelings — with your
new, healthier "outside" behaviors will help you not only lose that
weight, but, more important, keep it off.
1. Copyright © Robert Dilts. Adapted and reproduced with permission
of the author.
4 Self-Esteem Improvement Strategie
The Weight-Worth Connection
If you're like most of us, the way you see yourself is probably based
largely on the way you think others see you. But that's a dangerous
way to define your self-worth, especially when you're overweight.
Society tends to assign stereotypes, and even though you're working
toward a healthier lifestyle, it can be hard not to let those
stereotypes affect your self-image. It can be difficult, too, not to
let the resulting self-doubt damage the progress you make toward your
goals.
Self-Esteem Improvement Strategies
Use the steps below to start breaking the connection between your
weight and your feelings of self-worth. It will mean a major step
toward achieving the weight you want to be.
1. Talk To Your Friends
You've probably heard your Leader or other Meetings Members talking
about the importance of group support. At your Meetings, you can ask
others just like you how they handle negative comments, work
discrimination and more. And you can see them succeeding despite it
all.
Discussing your feelings with others will help too. If you tell a
supportive loved one when you're experiencing self-doubt, she should
give you the dose of reassurance you need.
2. Challenge Negative Conclusions
Think about a negative societal impression of overweight people, such
as "lazy" or "ugly," that you may have come to believe about
yourself. Now imagine yourself saying that thing to one of your
friends.
You'd never say something like that to someone you love! In fact,
you'd probably never even think it. So why would you say it to
yourself? Next time you're feeling down, imagine it's your friend who
is feeling that way. What would you say to her? Can you say those
same things to yourself?
3. Change Your Patterns
You may not even realize how feelings of low self-worth can affect
your behavior. It may cause you to wear baggy clothes, avoid parties
or pass up job opportunities. But these behaviors will only make you
feel worse.
From now on, adjust your outward attitude. Constantly ask yourself
how thin people act, then act like that. The behavioral adjustment
will make a big difference inside, too.
4. Reinforce Positive Feelings
Every day, take note of your positive traits and abilities — your
POINTS® Tracker's "Add Notes" tab is a great place to do it.
Acknowledging those assets will fortify your feelings of self-worth,
and that step can only help you toward your goal.
~~~
Best and Worst Weight-Loss Compliments
Remarks other people make about your weight loss can be thrilling,
insulting or somewhere in between. And sometimes they're all in the
eye of the beholder — or in this case, the ear of the hearer.
Comments that charm one dieter might horrify another. Some people
feel weight loss is a private matter, while others want the whole
world to acknowledge their success.
One thing's for sure, though: If you lose weight, you're bound to get
feedback. Whether friends, family, colleagues or neighbors, someone
will have something to say about it. Here are some anecdotes from
users of the Message Boards in our Community section, describing the
best, worst, cleverest and silliest weight-loss remarks they've
heard.
A-Plus Compliments:
"You look great. But you looked beautiful before you lost weight,
too!"
"One guy at my gym said, 'You are the shrinking woman.' I felt sooo
good."
"The personal trainer I've been working with said he would like to
take an 'after picture' as a success story. I'm not even to goal yet,
but he is impressed enough with my results to want to post them…"
"I didn't even recognize you at first ... but your smile and laugh
could not be mistaken! Wow, you look great!"
Dubious Compliments:
"My favorite is when a mother and daughter came into [my] office. I
saw them whispering together and then the mother asked me what
happened to the girl who use to work here, the heavyset redhead. I
told her she left about 70 pounds ago! Her daughter punched her
mother's arm and told her, 'I told you it was her!'"
"From my grandmother: 'Now, that's more like it!'"
"My favorite is always when people way overestimate how much you've
lost. One of my husband's friends said, 'Wow, you look like you've
lost 30 or 40 pounds!' Um, no, more like about 18, but thanks!"
"The day after my husband and I got engaged he moved to Maryland (I'm
in Nebraska). I flew out to see him three months later and 25 pounds
lighter, and the first thing he said to me was 'God, you're tan!' I
never let him forget it!!"
Thumbs Down:
"You look really good. Wow, I had no idea how fat you were before!
You must have lost a ton."
"From my mom (strangers would be kinder), ten pounds away from
goal: 'Don't you think you should stop? You don't want to become
anorexic!' So I show her my 'before' picture and she says 'Gawd, were
you heavy!' Gee thanks, Mom..."
"Once I reached goal, my grandmother said several things that were
supposedly compliments: She pointed to her back end and said 'You
used to be out to here...' Another: 'You have such a better
personality now.'"
"The other night I was wearing shorts and was in the kitchen making
supper, and my hubby, who was sitting at the table, said, 'Wow, your
legs are losing the cottage cheese look.'"
"An acquaintance ran into me and exclaimed (very loudly), 'Oh my
gosh, you are so small! I never would have thought that there was
a 'small' person in there!'"
~~~
Affirmations for Motivation
"Life is 90 percent perception, 10 percent reality," says JoAnn
Dahlkoetter, Ph.D., a Stanford University sports psychologist and
author of Your Performing Edge (Pulgas Ridge Press, 2002). Thoughts
and words are tremendously powerful, she says, and affirmations—or
positive self-statements—are a good way to transform them into
results.
"People are shocked when they become aware of what a negative,
running commentary they are always making to themselves," says Tina
Tessina, Ph.D., a psychotherapist in Southern California and author
of It Ends With You (New Page, 2003). Comments like "you'll never
succeed" or "you'll always have a weight problem" come from our fears
and insecurities, as well as from negative barbs peers or parents
have slung at us in our youths, says Tessina. "Affirmations
counteract those negative messages and, when repeated enough,
eventually change our mental landscape and empower us to reach our
goals."
Because our bodies and minds are so intricately connected, sometimes
the brain can't distinguish between what is actually happening and
what we're imagining, explains Dahlkoetter. So when we create a
statement or image of success, the body will believe it. This is
where affirmations come in.
Many people, include Dahlkoetter and Tessina, have had great success
using affirmations. There are a few guidelines, but once you get the
hang of creating them, the sky's the limit. To write powerful
affirmations, use the first person ("I" or "my"), include your name,
then make a dynamic positive statement about one of your goals. Here
are a few examples. I, Cathy, am moving closer to my weight goal of
being a size 8. Or: I, Lisa, find my weight-loss program easy and fun
to follow and I'm very successful at it.
"Losing weight is a major life change, and change is hard!" says
Tessina. "Without internal support, external support does not work.
Affirmations are an excellent form of internal support."
But once is not enough, warns Dahlkoetter. Once you have created good
affirmations, say them twice, then repeat them several times
throughout the day, especially when you feel vulnerable. (Aloud is
best.) You can also tape-record yourself saying them and listen to
the tape frequently. Write them down and leave them in key spots,
like on your fridge or computer. Visualizing your ideal self at the
same time will enhance the power of your new positive thinking.
Affirmations can be universally effective, but Tessina suggests
figuring out what your personal weight-loss motivation is and
building that into your statements. It doesn't matter whether it's
looking great in your new size-6 wardrobe, being more attractive, or
living longer. Once you master affirmations, you can apply them to
any area of life.
~~~
The Day I Learned to Love My Body
Do you like what you see when you look in the mirror? Or do you avoid
the mirror altogether? Many of us, unfortunately, are not happy with
our bodies. But beating yourself up for the way you look only hinders
your ability to look and feel better. Though it takes some practice,
learning to love your body can make all the difference on your
journey to success. And it feels great when you get there.
Choosing You
"You need to learn to love your body before you can be successful at
a weight-loss plan," stresses Abbie, a Meetings member from
Kalamazoo, MI, who has been on Plan for one year.
"It's hard for me to say I 'love' my body, but I'm content with it. I
like what I see, even though there is still room for improvement." It
didn't used to be that way, but once Abbie started to accept her
body, she felt like it was easier to try to change it.
"You have to make choices about how you're going to spend your time
and energy," she says. "This is definitely a better way to live."
A New Outlook
Cary, a New York native who recently celebrated her one-year
anniversary with Weight Watchers, was typically thin growing up. Once
she entered her 20s, she slowly gained weight. "I rarely looked at
myself in a full-length mirror, and when I did, I got really mad at
myself for letting this weight happen." Now at goal, though, Cary
takes every opportunity to look in the mirror and smile. "Learning to
love my body has given me a different outlook on life," she says. "I
can do anything and be successful at it. There is no stopping me."
3 Steps To Greater Self-Love
Cia Ricco, author of Living As if Your Life Depended On It! (Life
Care, Inc., $19.95) and a New York City psychotherapist, explains
that every time we say negative things to ourselves, we lower our
self-esteem, lose motivation, and have less momentum to take care of
our bodies.
"Negative self-talk makes us feel bad," Ricco says. What a person
should do is "accept what is," and grow from there. She offers the
following advice to those who want to stop loathing and start loving
their bodies.
Acceptance is the platform for change. Once you accept yourself and
your body the way you are now, you can be catapulted into free choice
and free will — a positive spirit that will help you set goals and be
motivated enough to achieve them.
Envision yourself the way you'd like to be. Tell yourself how great
you look now, but get excited about looking even better. With that
mental picture, and positive reinforcement, looking and feeling
better will be a snap.
Imagine you are speaking to your best friend every time you look in
the mirror. Would you ever tell them how fat they look? Would you
ever tell them their thighs disgust you or their stomachs are
grotesque? Why, then, would you hurt yourself like that?
~~~
Changing from the Inside Out
Anyone who has ever tried to lose weight knows it's as much a matter
of the heart and mind as of the mouth and stomach. How you think and
feel about your weight issues, and about yourself, has a strong
impact on your ability to lose weight and keep it off. Most of us
have learned this the hard way. But we've also learned how difficult
it can sometimes be to change how we think and feel.
Unfortunately, many of us regard our own thoughts and feelings
as "things that happen to us." For example, "Today I feel guilty" (or
happy or blue or motivated — fill in the blank). That's just the way
it is, right? Wrong. It's more helpful for us to think of our
thoughts and feelings as "internal behaviors," which we can control
and adapt to meet our needs. Just as we can develop more positive
external behaviors to support our weight loss (taking smaller
portions, walking more), it's also possible to develop more positive
internal behaviors (thinking "I can" instead of "I can't").
In fact, not only is it possible, but unless we change on the inside,
our newly formed eating and exercise behaviors most likely won't last
for long.
So Where Do I Start?
The first step is understanding the five different levels at which we
are able to change the way we think and act.1 We'll start with the
easiest-to-change, most superficial level, and move on to the
deepest, most difficult level within us.
Environment. Where and when our behavior takes place.
"It's difficult for me to lose weight with my hectic job and
schedule. I'm on the road and eating in fast food restaurants all the
time."
Behavior. What we do. The specific actions we take in our environment.
"I don't know what to eat or what exercises I should do to lose
weight and become more fit."
Capabilities. How we guide our behaviors. The broader abilities and
strategies we use in life.
"I am not capable of losing my weight and keeping it off."
Beliefs. Why we do what we do. The ideas and values we think are true.
"I do not deserve to be thin and attractive."
Identity. Who we are. Our basic sense of self, which is tied to our
mission in life.
"I am a fat person."
And How Do I Use My Tools for Living?
So it's easy to see: If, deep down, you still think of yourself as
a "fat person," it's going to be difficult to make and sustain the
behavior changes necessary to keep weight off for good. The good news
is that we can make positive changes at the deeper levels, with our
beliefs and identity. You might start by familiarizing yourself with
Weight Watchers' powerful set of strategies, Tools for Living (for
Meetings Members and subscribers only). Each tool is designed for a
specific kind of challenge related to your thoughts and feelings.
One tool, for example, Empowering Beliefs, will help you strengthen
your belief that losing weight is worth it, that you can do it and
that you deserve to be healthy and feel good. And Anchoring is a
powerful technique for tapping your inner resources to help you
achieve what you want. Need more determination, for example?
Anchoring will enable you to find the will that already exists within
you.
Paying attention to your deeper levels of change can pay off big.
Combining your "inside" behaviors — thoughts and feelings — with your
new, healthier "outside" behaviors will help you not only lose that
weight, but, more important, keep it off.
1. Copyright © Robert Dilts. Adapted and reproduced with permission
of the author.