just broke up - need some support

[misslily]

Hi all, I'm from Chicago. I literally just broke up with a guy I had been dating for about 6 weeks and with whom I felt a great connection. He started to pull away a couple of weeks ago and in the end said he wanted to be friends as he is trying to get his head together after the recent end of a 3 year relationship with his last girlfriend.

I declined the offer to be friends -- as I told him, "that is not the show that I bought the ticket to". I also crossed some physical boundaries with him that I make a point of not crossing with my male friends. He came on like gangbusters initially and although I believe him about dealing with his breakup, it is hard not to take it personally.

It has been less that 24 hours and I just feel like taking to my bed. The sadness comes in waves and I miss him, but I thought it would be even more confusing and have the potential for more heartbreak to try to be friends when that is not what I want. I'm not mad at him yet which makes things difficult. Anger energizes you and mobilizes you for action - I can clean the whole house when I am mad or run 5 miles....you know? Although I told him it would be easier not to be in contact, I'm still at the point where I want him to miss me, realize what a mistake he has made, call me and beg me to take him back.

It is extra tough not being able to turn to food to numb the pain. Any words of wisdom or ideas about how to make myself feel better would help. I am allowing myself 48 hours to really grieve. I think I'm going to treat myself to a massage sometime this week. I feel really down now.

[Flamy]

I've been there a few times - it really sucks. It's true, you didn't sign on to be friends, and since he was the one who came on strong in the beginning, I've felt used and confused. But each and every time, it does pass with time. It's alright to miss him and to hope that he misses you too - but remember to look after yourself first and foremost. Take the time you need to sort everything out.
Remember: this has absolutely nothing to do with you - it is his issue and you deserve so much better than to be on the tail-end of someone elses issue!
Big Hugs Buddy!
Amy

[SerendipitySmiling]

Lilly-

I've been there, but you really did the right thing. You deserve more than to be the transitional girl! But give yourself time to mourn the relationship...you have every right! And, when you enter into your next relationship you'll have the lessons from this one to help you along.

-Mindy

P.S. I love the line about being friends is not the show you bought the ticket to. That's classic! :D

[ashlee]

Learn to love yourself and enjoy spending time with your friends and yourself. You would not want to force someone to be with you I'm sure. Just move on and I'm sure you will find a great guy who is worthy of you.

Ashlee

[Femmegurlme]

I am sorry for your loss and I totally empathize. I have been there and I am there now. Going through a total hard break up after 6 months. Same kinda thing the guy was rebounding. In your case-he did you a favor in that it was better for him to walk them to use you as a transition BUT he should have nver pulled you in to start with and then hurt you. Good for you for not agreeing to be friends...and also for putting a time limit to how long you will grieve AND not taking to your bed forever. I went into deep dispair but I also deal with serious depression which is another story. ANyway, it is hard no matter what. The thing is this: It was only 6 weeks BUT it was more about the loss of what you thought youmight have had...prospect, potential, hopes. When you are feeling less sad, put your energy into WW and getting to goal. I don't know if thatis a crazy idea...I decided I needed a project so I decided to rejoin and work on myself.It is taking my mind off the pain a little. A hurt heart sucks. I hope it heals in time. Peace
Femmeglittergurl graemlins/ugh.gif

[katibtrfly]

how're you doin' now?

feeling all back to normal?

-kati

ps... i'm from chicago, too smile.gif

[elizabethdawn]

Lily, How are you doing? Let us know what has happened.
Take care.

[Missgillnz]

Hey Lily,

I have just gone through a breakup too but I did the breaking and I was engaged. It took me a few months to realise that I am worth so much more than what I was getting and the way that I was being treated. I did this all at the beginning of last week and although it's hard I feel a million times better. Unfortunately we both work at the same place in a foreign country which makes it hard. I am lucky that I am surround by fantastic females that will get me through this and they all know that I made the right choice for me and that I am and was far too good for this guy. Just a shame that it took me so long to realise this.

If you need support please let me know or if you just want to send messages and need someone to listen to or bitch with. Capable and ready to do both.

Cheers Kazza

[jennylomond101]

Hey there,

Well, I was at your stage right about...yesterday. Broke up with a guy that I'd been dating for a month. He called me everyday, wrote poetry, painted me a picture...we went on a weekend trip together, and then POOF, I haven't seen him for two weeks. It hurts. It's hard. It's miserable. Luckily, most people have been through it and have survived.

The day that I was feeling the most depressed, I called my stepmom. Then I poured myself four shots of bacardi with some sprite, and got into the hot tub and listened to Pat Benatar (I counted the points). I have felt much better since. Just feel your pain, but don't let it own you. And don't give him the power to break your heart into pieces. Find a way to relax and clear your head temporarily, just for the respite. It'll be a lot easier afterward...I'm not recommending boozing every night, after every breakup. Whatever works for you. Just follow this sehr important piece of advice: don't call him! Whatever you do, don't call him. If he calls you then you can call him back, but don't be desperate, or appear desperate. Don't give him the ego stroking.

[AliciaConstance]

Well,

I guess im the weird one. This guy and i dated for a few motnhs then he called it quits at the worst possible time. But it was a long time coming. I told him we could still be friends. We didn't talk for a few months but we had the same circle of friends so we always knew how each other was doing. Finially we got over the weirdness and were back to our old selves. He and i knew each other a few months before we started dating. He still warms my heart and i still love him, its just a different kind of love now. You don't have to hate every guy you break up with. I am one of those freaks that tries to see where the other is comeing from and give them more credit then they are worth.

He may have thought he could handle having a relationship with you and then too many things were reminding him of his ex. He just wasn't ready to move on emotionally. At least now you know some signs to look for when you start to date another guy. If ever you are in a rut, i always suggest looking up a bad girls guide. They have all kinds of fun stuff to do to get over break ups and the like.

Sorry this is a little late and i hope you are doing better!!
Luv ya bunches,
Alicia