First Post Here!!

[VikingPrincess]

Well, I thought I would just jump in here. Obviously, I'm a single girl on WW and am dealing with staying OP while doing the social scene. I'm not currently dating anyone, but that may change soon! :D

Anyway, a bit about me. I started WW back in August of 2000 and have been doing it pretty much ever since (I did rejoin a couple times after taking a few weeks off for health reasons). I was doing great until I got together with my ex-boyfriend and have stayed in the same 10 pound range since then (we started dating in February 2001). It was NOT a good relationship and I recognize now that it was very emotionally abusive. Unfortunately, the guy has been on the fringes of my life ever since (we "broke up" in July of that year--even though he started dating someone else in April! We tried the "friends" thing...bad idea! Now, he's engaged to a close friend of one of my best friends, so he's still out there on the edge of things). I am actually dealing with that far better than I was. Now, I'm really ready to move on.

So, here's my concern. Does anyone else find it difficult to deal with WW while on the dating scene? I mean, first of all, there is always that sort of self-consciousness because I am not the size I think I should be. Then, it's what actually happens on dates. I went on one date where I ordered a half turkey sandwich and the guy immediately started asking me about my diet and how I should try this and that. Needless to say, there was not a second date there!

Anyway, what do you all think? Does anyone have a magic pill that will help me maintain some sort of sanity? graemlins/ugh.gif

[Alleycat76]

Oh no! You sound just like me!! I too am dating and find it difficult. Why does dating sometimes revolve so much around food and alcohol? graemlins/ugh.gif

It's so hard when people suggest video and pizza, or being on the go all day and grabbing takeaway (thank God for Subway tongue.gif )

I am pretty open with the guys I date and just tell them I'm watching my weight. If they suggest video and pizza, I tell them I make a mean home made pizza and will take that - at least I have some control of the amount of meat and cheese that goes on it and can load it up with veges.

I also try and suggest dates where we'll be reasonably active - like playing tennis or going for a walk on the beach - anything that avoids doing nothing which leads to eating. I've even suggested a picnic lunch and then taken a heap of low point food - which he loved.

Any others have any ideas?

[VikingPrincess]

Well, I seem to be the queen of 1st dates and UNFORTUNATELY 1st dates always seem to be meal-dates. There is a local chain of brewpubs here that are quite popular and I do know some safer things to order there.

Being open about it IS probably the best strategy, but I find it a bit hard to be THAT open on a first date (especially when it is pretty darn clear that a second date is out of the question!)

I do like your idea of more active dates...and I think I might try to press for those as the weather gets nicer here! Thanks!

[Alleycat76]

First dates are always a bit difficult because it does tend to be for a meal.

Why don't you suggest drinks? Then just have one glass of wine and drink diet soda after that. If they say anything, just tell them you are still on antibiotics for a flu you had, or tell them you have an early start the next day, or have to drive or something...

I always use the antibiotics thing on a Friday night out drinking, even if it's just with the girls!

[Jeannie C]

I am not dating and it's not because I don't choose to... :( Then again, maybe I'm subconsciously deciding not to date.. :confused:

[VikingPrincess]

The drinks idea is definitely a good one! I actually use the antibiotic/pain pill excuse every now and then. It's just so much easier than explaining that there are better things to spend points on. Plus, on a FIRST date, I do not want to do anything that would cloud my judgement. I think that's how I ended up with my ex-boyfriend (there was a LOT of alcohol involved in that relationship!)

[VikingPrincess]

Jeanne-

You know what...dating is far harder than it looks on TV. Sometimes I hate it! But every once in a while, you find a diamond in the rough (or at least a cubic zirconium in the rough!). One thing is for sure, though. You have to be ready to date. Maybe you just need some more time for yourself--it will happen when it should happen!

[Iowabeth]

Hi Everybody! I am 50 years old with two grown children. I live alone, have been married and divorced twice. I have been single for 8 years. I have cared for my children, my husbands and now finally myself. Because I am in a "healing" point in my life, I choose not to date. I have male friends that I do things with but it is all on my terms. There is no worry about what we will do or where we will eat because I get to plan all of that. Also....there is no sex. (Sorry, perhaps that too much info.) We play golf, go to hockey games, out to eat, to movies, watch movies, etc.

I started WW in July/August of 2002 and my friends could not be more supportive. We don't talk about it much. They are allowing me to do what I need to do. There have been men in my life that threw a big fit if I tried to lose weight or would almost force feed me because they were comfortable with me being fat. It was safe for them because I was so needy. I put up with alot of 5hit and I'm not doing it anymore.

OK - sorry, I am ranting but I just wanted to let you know what is working for me at this time in my life. You are right......dating is just too stressful for me right now. I need to learn to love myself before I can make an intelligent choice about who I want to spend time with. I've spent too many years "groveling" just so that I could be part of a "happy couple". Please learn from my mistakes and don't wait until you are 50 to figure out what a beautiful and deserving person you are.

I wish you all the very best.

Beth

[Alleycat76]

I agree with Beth. I know in the past I have dated men and stayed with them even though I'm unhappy simply because I didn't think I could do "any better" - which is bloody stupid! I have a good job, I'm a happy person and I'm not bad looking.

I sometimes see really big girls who have a gorgeous slim man and believe there is hope for me yet!

I feel self conscious dating men who are smaller than me - so I guess I subconciously go for tall, muscular men so I don't look as big.

I've reached a stage in my life where I'm quite happy to do it alone. I've decided I'm not going to slice my wrists if I never get married or have children - so I believe this is the perfect time to start dating. I don't feel as needy as I have in the past, so I won't put up with as much BS.

Dating is hard work, probably because there just seems to be so many losers out there!!! graemlins/crazy.gif

[MsWildfire]

Yep..I found dating hard since starting WW. I met someone in November and broke up with him in January. I don't regret it, life is actually easier without him. He wanted to spend all his free time with me which didn't leave me any time for myself (working out, spending time with my family, household chores). I'm 35 and very independent. I honestly don't think I could get married. I like having my own money to do with what I want when I want. I'm established in my job and my condo and wouldn't change that for anyone. To really be honest, it would be nice to meet one gentleman to do things with occassionally and maybe be friends with benefits. I guess if this makes me sound selfish then I am...But hey, if Mr. Right comes along...he'll have to move in with me and have his own paycheck because I refuse to support anyone!

[mary catherine]

"friends with benefits" - I could do that.

I've never been on a date. Ever. I do have two beautiful teenage daughters. I have a good relationship with my stepson, his partner and their darling five year old daughter. . . and the years pass and I can't imagine how I'll ever GO on a date.

I did consider Match.com - hey, I can be good company - but I stopped in my tracks when I had to describe my shape. And - (sigh) - I can't imagine what it's like to try to decide if you're interested in someone, or to try to discern if they're interested in you.

(cue anxiety)

It's almost twenty years since I've engaged in the type of communication that you do when you let someone know that you're interested in them.

[MsWildfire]

Mary Catherine,

Funny you mention Match.com...because that is where I met the last guy! I'm really tired of the whole dating scene and trying to meet that special someone. I figure if it's going to happen it will at the worst time probably...when I'm looking like crud!! but hey if he likes me then then he'll LOVE me when I'm looking my best!!

[CordyC]

Hey, I'm doing well on Match.com - I'm in the "early e-mailing phases" with a guy who said my profile "struck him like a heat-seeking missile!" That's one thing I've never been accused of before! And the guy seems to be employed, functional, etc. More to follow.

[mary catherine]

I'll be paying attention, Cordy - - I may even have to take notes.

[three_x_a_lady]

well ok i am 48 and dating again after a long drawn out marriage.......and finally divorce.......and the one thing i learned is I AM ME...accept me for who and what i am....or basically it is their loss.....IF i dont want a second drink i just am very up front...and i appreciate their advice but i am doing what is best for me ......and i dont take that second drink......and if we eat out.....i order what i like and know is in my guidelines.....i have been dating a great guy for a year now......he accepts me.......we are honest and open....i may not agree all the time with his ideas...but they are his...as mine are mine......we have a great and open relationship....and sometimes i tend to think he takes me to places he knows i can have my choices.....he is a sweetheart....

tis what is inside the heart that matters most....outter beauty is a fringe benefit....

[Alleycat76]

I too did the internet dating thing. Just be careful - they can play the Prince Charming Mr Nice Guy image for only so long. BUT - don't let that stop you. I'm sure there are many nice guys out there trying to find Miss Right.

The trick to internet dating is to not let it drag on that way for too long. You have to exchange photos fairly early, and meet before too long. You can expose too much about yourself when you haven't met the person face to face. And let's face it - if there's no physical attraction, there's no point wasting your time.

"The Rules" has an interesting section on internet dating that I actually agree with.

[Jeannie C]

One of my girlfriends did Match.com. She met two really strange people.

The first guy...My friend was explaining to him about a situation involving an ex-boyfriend. He (the Match.com guy) went on and on about how the bad things that happened to her were her fault because she was a bad decision maker. Needless to say, they didn't see wach other after.

Second guy....He was not what he described in his profile. Plus, the night they met, he kept rubbing all over her and running his fingers through her hair. Even the people around us were commenting. It was driving me nuts and he wasn't even touching me. graemlins/crazy.gif

[Jersey]

Hi ladies!

Glad to see this board pick up a bit!

I am 31 and totally single. Jodie, I think I am like you, very independent. Got my own job. Got my own house. Love to do my own thing. Having a signficant other would be nice, but I don't have time to put up with crap, which is what I usually find, LOL!

My last boyfriend was in 1995. Haven't had a date since. I think I just got tired of men screwing me over and then, when I finally decided I wanted to date someone again, I felt too overweight to do it.

Whatever happens will happen. Perhaps that's not the best dating attitude, but it works for me. smile.gif

[mary catherine]

Alley: What are "The Rules"?

I just can't imagine actually g-o-i-n-g on a date - - eek.

[Alleycat76]

See the previous posts on "The Rules". Basically it's a guide for dating and getting Mr Right to marry you. I personally think it's rather sexist and a bit demeaning, but a few of The Rules make sense. A lot of girls do follow them and meet Mr Right and fall in love. Meeting mr Right is the biggest challenge.

Dating is fun - you should do it more often - and the more often you do it, the better you'll be at it and the less nervous.

[VikingPrincess]

I haven't been able to log on here for a few days, so I'm a bit behind, but I caught the discussion about match.com. I have tried that and I have not had ANY luck with it. I know people who have met the love of their lives that way, but not me.

HOWEVER, I did try speed-dating (there are several different services that do that--I like 8 Minute Dating) and I loved it! I made 3 matches and briefly dated 1. He was a very nice guy but it just wasn't meant to be between us, but I would DEFINITELY recommend it! Even if you don't make a match, it's really a lot of fun!

[r2chubby]

I tried both an agency and the internet dating. Both were ok (no real match though!!) My first dates are always someplace where I can exit fast if I need to. I go for coffee. If it is going well then I will suggest going for a walk or some other activity. I am always honest about losing weight. If they do not like it then they are not for me. If they are encouraging then they have potential. I am not embarrassed about saying I am losing weight since they can clearly see I need to. It is part of who I am. Besides some of the guys I have gone out with have not been perfect themselves. I try to see the soul of each person I date and I want them to see mine. Of course I am still single so not sure my philosphy is working :rolleyes:

[1bigmama79]

Hi Girls

I have to agree with you all. For me WW and dating do not mix!!

I have not lost enough weight to start dating yet. It has been very hard on me just trying to have a girls night out. My friends don't understand that I will not do the things we used to do.(Bars, parties, and huge dinners out) graemlins/crazy.gif

If my friends can't understand how will a new guy. :confused:

Has anyone else had this problem?

It seems that I don't do anything with my old friends, it's all with the new friends from WW.

If anyone has any suggestions for me I would LOVE THE HELP!

Have a great week

Jodi

[r2chubby]

Hi Jodi
I have a problem with your friends. I would think they would be encouraging you not trying to sabbotage you. I went out on friday with two of my friends for a chinese dinner. We picked a resturant that had Canadian dishes also. I had a chicken salad. This way I enjoyed my friends company and still stayed op. My friend were impressed at my will power. They did not even try to encourage me to eat the chinese. (It looked mighty good) I can not eat a little of it so I choose not to eat any.
Have you tried asking them for encouragement? They should be your support network. I hope they come around for you. It makes it really hard without that support. Maybe it is time for new friends??
Anyway try to communicate your feeling to them and see what happens.
Lots of luck!!