How Long Do I Wait?

[Sandylee]

Hi, I would like some feedback on my situation. First a little background on me. I am 46 and have been single for 7 years. I am not looking for marriage but like having a special someone to be with. Last year I was seeing this guy who I really fell for. Since me divorce I have had a two relationships. Neither one ended very well so when I met this one it was really hard for me to believe in him or trust him. I have to say during last year he worked really hard to gain my trust. And he did. Well last mid Oct he left the country and went home to visit his family. He goes every year, this is a normal thing for him to do. He said he would be gone 2 to 3 months. We agreed that we would not see anyone else romantically and reunite when he returned. Now its been 3 1/2 months and he hasnt returned altho I heard thru the grapevine that he is coming back. Still I have had no word directly to me from him. I didnt expect to hear from him while he was gone but thought he would be back by now. How long do I wait for something that might never happen? But if I start dating and he returns have I thrown away something really good? I feel better with him than anyone I have met. I want to trust and believe his words to me. Am I being foolish to keep waiting or would I be foolish to move on?

[I am Nancy]

I do not understand what kind of relationship you and he have, when he goes out of the country for a few months and you don't hear a word from him???? When people care for one another they do communicate... Part of a relationship is depending on one another to be there for us... and he isn't really there for you, is he? I can't belive he didn't call or write in 3 months just to see how you were doing.
You have to do whatever your heart leads you to do but are you sure this is the best relationship for you?

[CordyC]

Where on Earth did he go that there are no means of communication? Honestly, I'd be pretty peeved at the lack of communication for 3 1/2 months.

I get the vibe that his view of the relationship is like a video that can be paused whenever you have to take a phone call or get a snack. Well, 3 1/2 months is a long time and after a certain amount of time on "Pause", my VCR starts playing again!

There are too many good men out there who could make you happy, and you deserve a good reality, not just hopes, fantasies and dreams. If you start dating again, find a nice guy and this guy returns, I'd think twice about dumping the new guy for him. Your heart and your instincts are giving you two different messages. Only you know which one you should be listening to.

[WWCarol]

You don't explain "why" you don't communicate for the time he is away in his country. Doesn't he want his family/friends to know that he cares for you? Why did you agree to this extended state of non-communication?

Do you know how to reach him? This sounds fishy to me...like he could have a wife/family that can't know about you?! tongue.gif

I guess you need to share more information in order to get any helpful kind of response.

graemlins/wave.gif Carol

[Alleycat76]

I think that by posting this here, you know the answer within your heart... Something is wrong with this situation. A guy can't leave a woman he loves for 3 months without any contact.. Especially over the Christmas/New Year period.. Anything could happen during this time, you could get seriously ill, you could find out you are pregnant, you could lose your job or a member of your family... and yet there is no contact??

Move on, start dating, and if this guy does come back and regrets losing you, speak with him, tell him what you want, and maybe give it another shot. But tread very carefully and don't put up with any BS from this guy - he's given you enough already..

[rocky]

Hmm I just could never be involved with someone who didn't want to talk to me for any lenth of time, that would drive me crazy.You do have patience that is for sure.
I personally think it is time to find someone else, doyou really want to be with someone who you have nothing with for all that time.Keep us updated.Hugs.