UPDATE ON KAREN - Saturday

[JeanetteSki]

Hi Buddies! I just wanted to stop here this morning before I got started on all of my things that I have to do today and let you all know about Karen. She's doing just fine physically. Still seems to be in alot of pain, but that's expected. Her numbers are all fine and she checks out ok, but her attitude stinks!! I wanted to slap her yesterday and tell her to be thankful she's alive, but instead she copped this attitude! She's able to have a clear liquid diet now and the other day she was just begging for some ice chips, which she couldn't have at that point. Then they did this swallow study on her to determine if she could swallow properly without aspirating the liquids into her lungs, which she passed just fine. Yesterday, she wouldn't even take one tiny spoonful of her jello, no water, no ice chips, no boullion -- NOTHING!! Not even for me! I was so mad at her for not even trying! She just kind of turned her head and wouldn't even look at us! We asked her if she was mad at us for some reason, and she said no, but I'm telling you she was so unresponsive to us, and I just don't know what to do with her. I know she's somewhat depressed, but she needs to stop this kind of behavior. All she wants to do is sit there like a big lump! She's off the respirator for the most part, but she really wants to be back on it again. She doesn't try to move herself like she was doing, she doesn't try to write anything, nothing! My DD said Aunt Karen needs a spanking. I'm inclined to agree with her. She seemed exhausted yesterday and the nurse said she didn't get alot of sleep the night before, so I'm going to chalk it up to that. Otherwise, they talked to us yesterday about where she would be going when she left there, because she's getting much better and can't stay in the ICU forever. She will probably have to go into a nursing home for a while, but one that has ventilator facilities just in case she will need them. She wouldn't need them if she would just try a little more, but she's seems like she's refusing to do that. I just don't know; we've come so far with her, too far, for her to take this kind of an attitude now. She acts like she's giving up and I don't know why. :( :confused: Any help from you guys would certainly be appreciated.

Have to run, have Hannah this weekend, and this is our long weekend to have her. I'll probaby be going back down to Chicago again tomorrow. Will check back then. smile.gif

[JACOB'S NANA]

Jeanette...I am thinking Karen just doesn't realize just what she has been through at this point in time..she probably don't remember much about the last couple of weeks anyway...her body has been through such a trauma and I am sure it's taken it's toll on her mentally. Maybe you need a rest from all of it too....it may help the whole situation...since you have Hannah maybe some other family members should go for the weekend and you again on Monday and I'll bet you would see a change in her attitude..if she isn't resting at night, that would have a lot to do with her being so unresponive....You know, your tired, she's tired, etc., so step back and look at the overall situation and remember just how difficult it has been for all of you, especially Karen......Things will be looking up in no time...I think she will have good days and bad ones along the road to recovery....Take it easy and rest your mind as well as your body...that's easy for me to say, huh?....just enjoy Hannah this weekend.....

[redhotmama]

Jeanette, FWIW, My opinion is that the ramifications of major surgery to the psyche are many and should not be ignored. Perhaps a mental health professional should talk to her. There are myriad feelings of mortality, loss, vulnerability and anxiety about what the future holds. They are anxious about their recovery, uncomfortable with pain, have lack of energy and, in Karen's case, I am sure she doesn't realize how close she came to death...or if she does, she is choosing not to deal with it. She probably is very worried about what comes next, will she be able to handle it and how all this is affecting her loved ones. All you can do is love her, be patient with her and let her talk if she wishes...don't push her. She is dealing with enormous physical and mental challenges.......she may just be blocking everything out as an escape mechanism......sometimes one can only take so much before they have to find relief any way they can. This is not abnormal, many post-op patients feel this way. As I said, a mental health professional needs to see her...JMHO. Prayers continue for all of your family....how is her DH handling this?

Diana graemlins/wave.gif graemlins/bcbsalute.gif

[Journey2Me]

Jeanette,

How difficult all of this is for all of you! Just when you see the clouds lifting, this "attitude" begins. Frustrating, to say the very least.

I agree with both Norma & Diana and will add just one suggestion.

Did you see the movie "Patch Adams" that starred Robin Williams? It is a true story about a doctor who used humor to reach patients that no one else could reach. It is all about the power of love & humor in healing. We know that Karen is getting much, much love from you & other relatives. Maybe now as she is making so much progress, she needs some humor to help diminish some of the depressing thoughts of how serious her condition was and is. A funny video, a humorous book read to her, or something just plain silly MIGHT help to lift her spirits a bit. Humor is such a healing experience. The human spirit needs lightness at times in order to deal better with the seriousness at hand.

You're a wonderful sister. Take care of yourself. This experience must be exhausting for you.

Thanks for the updates on Karen....We continue to pray for both of you.

Deedee

[healthylady]

Dear Jeanette, thanks for the update on Karen. You're very caring and thoughful to keep us informed. I think you're a terrific sister by being there for Karen all the time, and it's taking a toll on you. Many times,the relatives and caretakers need a little breather too. Do somethaing good for yourself now.
Karen might be suffering from post traumatic syndrome at this moment, but it'll go away as she starts to feel better. Perhaps, a physician could evaluate her emotional health also. After all what she's been through, her system might be in shock. As Deedee said, perhaps some funny movies (candid camera videos) might lift her spirits a little bit. If her hospital has a volunteer clown program (I'm one of them), they can pay her a three-minute daily visit.
I admire you very much for the way you're taking care of your sister. But, don't forget, dear Jeanette, to take care of yourself.
Hugs.
Healthylady
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[kap]

Jeanette..I know how difficult all of this is on you right now...I put my family through pretty much the same thing when I had my liver transplant...I was really cruel to my daughter at one time..I didn't know anything about it until weeks later..My sisters kept telling the nurses that "this isn't my sister..what is wrong with her" etc etc..Believe me it took me months to realize how bad of a person I was for a couple of weeks..In the long run it was mostly due to alot of the medications that they had me on and coming thru such a difficult surgery..I have since been back in the hospital ..same floor, same nurses and I have apoligized to them..they just told me I had nothing to be concerned with ..it was out of my control at the time..So please keep in mind that Karen too will get thru this..it is very difficult for the human body to just recover from such tramtic events..I also had to go to a nursing home..had to learn to walk again..If it were not for my loving family around me, I don't know what would have happened..and trust me Karen will soon feel the same way..Just put your trust in God's hands now Jeanette..he will take care of you and Karen both..I didn't mean to go on about myself here, but I felt it is the best way for me to let you know that this too shall pass..You are doing all that you can do right now by just being around and loving your sister..She knows that and will tell you this herself some day soon..Love and Hugs to you Jeanette..God Bless You..
Kathy

[CathyJ]

Jeanette, I'm so sorry to hear this. My heart goes out to you both. I hope this phase of Karen's will pass quickly and she'll be back to herself soon.

Love and light to you both,
Cathy

[shelac]

Hi Jeanette - I have to second what Diana is saying. I would assume that there is a social worker assigned to ICU (there is here in all the hospitals in the city) - they can do an assessment, may have to bring in psychiatry, etc. Surgery, anesthesia, ICU - all take their toll. Sleep deprivation and disorientation is very common in ICU as the activity is 24 hr. a day, with no "night". And many patients come out of ICU extremely dependent. They haven't had to do anything for themselves and are just starting to understand what has happened. And I hate to bring this up, but she may have had some mentaleffects from the surgery/anesthesia/infection that will be longer lasting.

It seems to me, and this is just my opinion, that you need a break. There is nothing wrong with that, it's natural. And while you can be encouraging, supportive, etc. with Karena, you can't "heal for her". This is something that ultimately she has to do for herself. Take the weekend off, try to enjoy your family, have some "me" time - you deserve it. Sheila

[Raindancer1937]

Jeanette,

I have to second what everyone has said. This is quite natural. We went through the same thing with Donna Rae and she ultimately apologized to us before she passed on. Not that Karena is going to pass on, but her "condition" at this point is quite natural. You do need to take some "me" time. Enjoy Hannah this weekend and let the other family members visit Karena. She loves you all very much, as you do her. But she is confused. I continue to pray for her and you, so try and take it easy this weekend.

katy

[chari]

Jeannette,
Placed another prayer request card for Karen, our staff and prayer chain will pray for Karen all week... I also, placed another one this week for Mary Kathryn... You both are on the back burner of my mind and I place card for you both each Sunday..... And a little pray for you too Jeannette, sisters like you are very very rare!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Blessing

chari

[JeanetteSki]

You guys are all so VERY, VERY, SWEET!!!! graemlins/kiss.gif graemlins/kiss.gif

Diana & Sheila: I can't agree with you more. In fact, when DD and I were down there on Friday, we asked her nurse to note to her doctors that we wanted a psych consult done with her. That was not my sister!! She went into to this with such determination and fierce "I can do this" attitude. To see such a turn around was extremely dishartening. The doctors will visit with her on Monday. We'll see what happens then. But I have to tell you that after I visited with her today (Sunday), she had a better attitude. I know how all of this trauma to her body and her mind could take a toll on her personality. She always had a stubborn streak, but not like this. And I know she wouldn't treat me the way she did if she weren't really depressed. So I'm thinking she may need yet some more drugs to help her get over some of this.

Diana: No DH in the picture. Just us and her children.

Sheila: I can't take a break yet -- her son is doing that!! :rolleyes: I guess I shouldn't be critical of him. Men seem to take these things differently, or should I say not at all? It's the women who hang in there during the crisis and then collapse afterwards!

To The Rest of My Buddies: Thank you, all of you who have kept us in your prayers. As I've told you, I really believe that's what has kept her alive.

Chari: You're so sweet to get us on your church's prayer list!! Thank you again.....

THIS, TOO, SHALL PASS!!! :D